In Open Fields of Wild Flowers…

I love music, it inspires me. I love Jars of Clay’s song Love song for a Savior. I first found this song in high school. Back then I just listened to it because I liked the melody. Now, I sing it. Like the song says, “Someday she’ll understand the meaning of it all…” I still don’t understand the meaning of it ALL. But, I don’t think I’m supposed to in this life. I think I’m supposed to keep growing and learning how to see Him.

In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

In the bible it talks about how if you seek a relationship and love God, Christ will make himself plain to you. (John 14:21)

I love how Jesus is making himself ‘plain’ to me. It’s like without being in His word, praying, worshiping, preparing, studying, learning – without turning toward Him at every moment I can remember too, I’m living life with blinders on, worse yet, foggy contacts AND blinders. It’s like He’s everywhere all the time, but I can’t see Him until I REALLY turn my eyes to Him.

Then and only then I begin to see that He’s everywhere. He’s speaking through other people’s dreams (yesterday’s blog), in multitudes of bumper stickers addressing the same thoughts I’ve working through at that moment, lessons of His love in what seem to be blatant terms in the (secular) shows I watch.

Recently, on a particular day of doubt in my life, in my regular driving routine, I was mulling over a thousand thoughts in my head. Just as I came around a corner, sitting in front of me, was a giant field. I had seen this field many times before and it had always looked to be abandoned, or at least barren and full of dirt. It is one of the last remaining crop fields in the area waiting to be covered with cement between the existing Walgreens and gas station on the same street. I have never seen anything grow there, and having passed it several times a week, it rarely gets my attention, even though it seems so out of place. On this particular day, distracted by my somber thoughts, I rounded the corner and it laid in full view in front of me - full of purple wild flowers, hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions of them closely knit, just 2 to 3 inches above the ground, across the field, where dense vibrant purple wildflowers, just didn’t make sense. It was enough to stop me in awe (purple is one of my favorite colors). I needed that beauty that day, and the feeling that washed over me as I literally stopped my car in amazement was like He was handing me a bouquet. I’ve driven by it several times since then, and its converted back - just dirt waiting for the highest bidder on a busy street corner.

My eyes are slowly being opened and everyday I’m excited about where I’ll see Him next. But it's not like getting here has been easy. With my trust issues, my thought has always been, "How can you trust someone you don't know, and how can you really know someone you don't trust?" It is honestly me renewing myself EVERYDAY to Him, stepping outside my comfort zone, beyond myself and seeking Him.

Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running

This ‘new vision’ startles me, stops me in my tracks and leaves me in awe. But why? If I truly believe what the bible says about His creation, why am I so in awe? Aren’t babies born everyday? If an animal that lays eggs could have an intelligent conversation with you, it would think you were crazy if you tried to explain the miracle of pregnancy and birth. What about air? My son had that revelation on the way to school the other day when he was talking about how interesting trees were. God made trees, they provide oxygen, but they also need our output, carbon dioxide, to grow. It sounds like something from a sci-fi novel, but that’s God. He creates and glorifies and lives in the flowers and the trees and birth and so much more beyond our understanding, but we go about our days with our blinders on and rarely stop to appreciate it, or even notice it at all.

I’ve been broken, I’ve been elated and at other times just content (or discontent). I’ve known Jesus, or at least I thought I did. I can recall the events that led to me wanting to take my own life to escape pain. And if I dwell on those transgressions, the searing pain can come back just as fierce, and with even more fury. Recently though, I’ve begun to understand. I don’t feel like I am anywhere near where I need to be, but just as the end of the song says,

It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion

"I want to fall in love with You"

I want to fall in love with Him. I want to be courted, given bouquets and thanking Him for them. I want to be honest and open and real in that, just as I am, I can fall in His arms, tears falling down and tell him just how much I want to fall in love with Him.

Verse to ponder: Matthew 5:6 (NLT) "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."