In Dreams

My husband told me he had a dream last night. He doesn’t put any stock in dreams, “They are just dreams!” he tells me after I wake up from another usually emotionally wrought nightmare, giving him the lot of its gruesome details. He tells me he NEVER dreams.

But he apparently dreamed last night.

And when he told me the details, I was struck with the poignancy of it. As you know, I’ve recently started as a Volunteer Young Life leader and I take the roll very seriously. I pray for these kids, and I’m working through my own doubts and fears and feelings of inadequacy and feeling ashamed at my mistakes and faults. Today I was even searching online for books about becoming a volunteer youth leader and reading articles. I read a book my sister gave me called the Esther Effect, for insight. I have been praying that God will be able to use me as His instrument through this chapter in my life, specifically in Young Life, which is where I feel He has led me to be.

So here’s his dream (paraphrased):

I dreamed that I was in some military outfit being
attacked. There was war all around me. I had a gun too, a 9mm (it was yellow). I
saw you looking beautiful walking around and talking to the others under attack,
smiling. It wasn’t like you were oblivious to the war, you were just helping the
others, smiling and talking to each of them and looking pretty. And there was a
girl (just younger than you) following you around.

I’m not a dream interpreter, if that dreams are even developed to be analyzed, I don’t know. I always thought of dreams as the subconscious fodder working out the stresses, emotions and actions of our days (or based on what foods we ate last, meds we took or shows we watched just before bed). But his dream, a dream amongst so many years of dreamless nights comes right at the time I am questioning my place and asking for continued guidance. I’m questioning if I’ll be able to make a difference, thinking: what training do I have; what gives me credentials to lead youth, what if I unintentionally cause a student (or child) to stumble? The dream just seemed to be my answer and my peace for today.

I also read a quote today in the Esther Effect that stood out to me:

“When praying, do not give God instructions – report for duty.” –
Anonymous

I ask that God lead me to be the quiet in the storm, to help the kids see His refuge in the war (spiritual warfare). If He uses me to do that by leading the young, smiling, talking and “looking pretty” (in my actions, etc.) to help them, then so be it!

Verse to Ponder: Psalm 27: 1-3 (NLV)

“The Lord is my light and the One Who saves me. Whom should I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life. Of whom should I be afraid? When sinful men, and all who hated me, came against me to destroy my flesh, they tripped and fell. Even if an army gathers against me, my heart will not be afraid. Even if war rises against me, I will be sure of You.”