K, so I wouldn't say that I'm 'affiliated' with any party, and as a Christian, I know I'm supposed to 'be in line' and-without what I feel is sufficient research or understanding on my part-sign up with the Republicans. I was sent these today and you can see why it is so difficult for someone like me (no real party affiliation, no real grasp on the issues, no real understanding of politics) could choose not to vote at all. Seeing things like this, it kinda makes me feel that voting leaves us in a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" scenario.
Just thought I'd share:
In this election, there are so many issues considered in "crisis", making the next leaders decisions have more weight than ever before in our recent generations. Looking amongst the brink of a deeper recession, continued war vs. immediate pullout (both I don't like so much), then moral issues like abortion, I, as I assume many are, am running scared.
It is true now more than ever that we rely on the One Leader to fix all of this. Now is the time to exercise our faith, to believe without question that He has a plan for all of this.
I don't know about you, but this anxiety about what's to come for our country has not only got me on my knees, but on my face before Him.
Verse to Ponder: Philippians 4:6 (NKJV) Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Yuck-a-loogie
So Monday night YL had their annual Food fight/Crud War/Yuck-a-loogie night. It was my first time, so I was just as excited and surprised as the kids. There were over 100 kids that showed up to sling 'redneck paintballs' (marshmallows covered in mustard and ketchup), pickle juice with horsefeed, flour bombs, water balloons, applesauce and red paint, shaving cream and more over a huge field after dark. It was hillarious to watch it all go down. Messy wouldn't even be the way to describe it. But it was SO much fun.
I saw so many new faces, so many freshmen, parents and new leaders. It was a great kickoff to what I know will be a fabulous new year of YL.
Next week we start Club nights up and running again. I'm praying that we'll have even more new faces and others come back to join us.
Being part of this for just this short amount of time has meant SO much. I can't tell you all the blessings and positive feedback and changes in my family and in myself that have taken place, and this is just the beginning!
It is an amazing and humbling experience to feel like you are 'on the front lines' of the spiritual warfare in your community. I can't believe I get to be part of it!
Weak? WEAK!?
Ok, so if you know me, you know I'm kinda impatient, strong-willed, work-a-holic, go big or go home kind of gal. I feel like I can teach myself or try anything I put my mind too. I try to speak the truth (in love) always, and can pretty much out argue anyone, if necessary. :) So when I heard from my husband several years ago that he felt I was weak, I about exploded.
Yes, ladies, my husband tried to sweetly tell me that I was weak. (Somewhere Mrs. Palin just cocked her winchester. HA!) Whatchu talkin' 'bout Willis? I know, I know. It stung pretty bad, but over time I began to understand and adjust myself from his words of 'wisdom' given to me from his perspective of who/what/how I had become. If you've read this blog you'll know that some yuck (for lack of better word) has happened in my past. You'll also know that it's ripple affect has followed me now almost 12 years later. I had become accustomed to, even though I hated it, being the 'victim'. I deserved the right to wollow in my pain, to feel sorry for myself, to have someone else, namely my husband, help me through and regularly pick up the pieces. No wonder then, when I tried to exercise my need for control or independence did he suddenly put on the brakes.
Hearing what he had to say that afternoon about how fragile he viewed me, made me more than mad, but after time passed I realized it wasn't only anger from having to hear what he said, wasn't only anger focused on those who had hurt me, but it was also anger at myself for not getting out of myself long enough to get out of my 'victim rut'. I wanted to be strong, but the truth was, I wasn't. I'm not. But that's okay.
Three things happened since our conversation on the couch that afternoon. One, my husband is probably a bit scared of me, due to my reaction to his words, which were truly meant to bring my attention to things. Two, I realized I didn't want anyone to think I was weak, I definitely didn't want my husband viewing me that way, and I didn't want to think or feel or act weak any longer. And third, I began to understand how to shed that 'victim skin'. I slowly but surely started relying more on God. I started understanding then with my pursuit of Him that I'm not damaged, that what has happened doesn't define me. I am a product of mercy and grace, I can be restored. I stopped thinking I needed to turn to everyone else to 'fix' me. I stopped leaning so much on my husband for everything spiritually, physically, emotionally and started to understand that it's not his sole responsibility, and putting all my faith in him would only lead me to be disappointed. After all he's flesh and blood just like me. Giving it over to the One who said He always would take on that responsibility, would restore me, would forgive and forget and renew me, has empowered me SO much. I know it will take time, but I KNOW I can be strong again. I know I can hold my own again. I know He has plans for me, and I'm worthy of those plans. I'm no longer going to let my 'yuck' or my disappointments and hurt caused by others of this world to keep me down.
I'm weak, and I know it. But I can be made strong through Him. From now on, all I want them to see is Him in me.
Verse to Ponder: 1 Peter 4:1-2 (The Message) Since Jesus went through everything you're going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you'll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want.
Yes, ladies, my husband tried to sweetly tell me that I was weak. (Somewhere Mrs. Palin just cocked her winchester. HA!) Whatchu talkin' 'bout Willis? I know, I know. It stung pretty bad, but over time I began to understand and adjust myself from his words of 'wisdom' given to me from his perspective of who/what/how I had become. If you've read this blog you'll know that some yuck (for lack of better word) has happened in my past. You'll also know that it's ripple affect has followed me now almost 12 years later. I had become accustomed to, even though I hated it, being the 'victim'. I deserved the right to wollow in my pain, to feel sorry for myself, to have someone else, namely my husband, help me through and regularly pick up the pieces. No wonder then, when I tried to exercise my need for control or independence did he suddenly put on the brakes.
Hearing what he had to say that afternoon about how fragile he viewed me, made me more than mad, but after time passed I realized it wasn't only anger from having to hear what he said, wasn't only anger focused on those who had hurt me, but it was also anger at myself for not getting out of myself long enough to get out of my 'victim rut'. I wanted to be strong, but the truth was, I wasn't. I'm not. But that's okay.
Three things happened since our conversation on the couch that afternoon. One, my husband is probably a bit scared of me, due to my reaction to his words, which were truly meant to bring my attention to things. Two, I realized I didn't want anyone to think I was weak, I definitely didn't want my husband viewing me that way, and I didn't want to think or feel or act weak any longer. And third, I began to understand how to shed that 'victim skin'. I slowly but surely started relying more on God. I started understanding then with my pursuit of Him that I'm not damaged, that what has happened doesn't define me. I am a product of mercy and grace, I can be restored. I stopped thinking I needed to turn to everyone else to 'fix' me. I stopped leaning so much on my husband for everything spiritually, physically, emotionally and started to understand that it's not his sole responsibility, and putting all my faith in him would only lead me to be disappointed. After all he's flesh and blood just like me. Giving it over to the One who said He always would take on that responsibility, would restore me, would forgive and forget and renew me, has empowered me SO much. I know it will take time, but I KNOW I can be strong again. I know I can hold my own again. I know He has plans for me, and I'm worthy of those plans. I'm no longer going to let my 'yuck' or my disappointments and hurt caused by others of this world to keep me down.
I'm weak, and I know it. But I can be made strong through Him. From now on, all I want them to see is Him in me.
Verse to Ponder: 1 Peter 4:1-2 (The Message) Since Jesus went through everything you're going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you'll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Oh and did I mention...
The owner of the 4 wheeler called and said after they cleaned it up that it was working fine! *Phew* Just a lost key...God even answers prayers about ATVs, I love it!
I got a part time staff position with Young Life! I start this week! I know it's probably going to be one of the easiest jobs I've had to date, but I'm SO nervous! The longer I've been out of school/work, the stupid-er I feel! Plus, I want to do a good job, because in the end, it's all for the kids. I really, really don't want to screw up.
I'm having a surprise party for my husband's bday. SHHH! (Good thing he doesn't like reading blogs-HA!) We're doing it big in the backyard this Saturday night (and by big I mean Christmas lights and enchiladas, HA!). It should be fun. I've done pretty good so far with the secret, the kids don't even know. (so please don't tell them! :>)
My son had two amazing soccer games this weekend, but they tied them both! What are the odds? But he scored a goal in the first game and barely missed two attempts the second game! :)
I started a new bible study last week with a friend of mine from YL. It's studying Genesis. I've already learned quite a bit! For instance, did you know that in the beginning that God told man that he could eat any of the plants he wanted, no meat? ALL of the animals ate only plants too!! (The lion laid down with the lamb...) It wasn't until after the flood (Noah and the ark and all that) that it changed!
Oh, and I have a random joke for you today. My son laughed SO hard when his dad told him...
Q: Why was Tigger looking in the toilet?
A: He was looking for Poo.
HA!
P.S. If you wanna, I've added a 'followers' section to this blog. (It's on the left.) If you want to add yourself as a follower, feel free!
Enjoy your week!
I got a part time staff position with Young Life! I start this week! I know it's probably going to be one of the easiest jobs I've had to date, but I'm SO nervous! The longer I've been out of school/work, the stupid-er I feel! Plus, I want to do a good job, because in the end, it's all for the kids. I really, really don't want to screw up.
I'm having a surprise party for my husband's bday. SHHH! (Good thing he doesn't like reading blogs-HA!) We're doing it big in the backyard this Saturday night (and by big I mean Christmas lights and enchiladas, HA!). It should be fun. I've done pretty good so far with the secret, the kids don't even know. (so please don't tell them! :>)
My son had two amazing soccer games this weekend, but they tied them both! What are the odds? But he scored a goal in the first game and barely missed two attempts the second game! :)
I started a new bible study last week with a friend of mine from YL. It's studying Genesis. I've already learned quite a bit! For instance, did you know that in the beginning that God told man that he could eat any of the plants he wanted, no meat? ALL of the animals ate only plants too!! (The lion laid down with the lamb...) It wasn't until after the flood (Noah and the ark and all that) that it changed!
Oh, and I have a random joke for you today. My son laughed SO hard when his dad told him...
Q: Why was Tigger looking in the toilet?
A: He was looking for Poo.
HA!
P.S. If you wanna, I've added a 'followers' section to this blog. (It's on the left.) If you want to add yourself as a follower, feel free!
Enjoy your week!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Communication
Oh, I've been so busy and tired lately...but I've still had so much on my mind to write about. I've just been too pooped to get on here and get it all typed! Someday I hope they come up with a way for me to just talk when I'm thinking about things (like in my car or in bed) and it will get typed in...k, maybe that's a bit lazy. :)
Ok, so I was doing errands the other day and was needing to call my dr. to set an appointment. I was in the car driving and called the free 411 800 number my friend gave me and waited for the prompts. I thought it would be awesome to call a free 411, because who wants to pay the outrageous fee to ask for a number, all of which takes like ten seconds, but still costs like $2. Ouch. So anyway, I called the number and followed the prompts (it's all automated), and it went something like this...
Recording: "What city and state?"
Me: McKinney, Texas
Recording: "Mckinley?"
Me: Mic-ken-ey
Recording: "McKinney?"
Me: "Yes"
Recording: "Would you like business, residential or toll free?"
Me: "Business"
Recording: "SAY, Business or Residential"
Me: "uh....(louder) Business"
Recording: "I'm sorry, I did not understand. SAY Business or Res..."
Me: (interupting) BIZ-NESS!
Recording: "By name or type?"
Me: (loudly) NAME
Recording: "What name?"
Me: "Dr. Banks"
Recording: "I'm sorry, say the na..."
Me: "DOCTOR BanKS"
Recording: "I didn't underst.."
Me: "TRACEY BANKS"
Recording: "I'm sorry, I..."
Me: "DUH-AHK-TORE BUH-AY-EN-KUH-SSS" (loudly, I think I popped a vein in my forehead)
Recording: "Would you like to try again?"
Me: "FORGET IT!"
Recording: "I'm sorry, I do not understand."
Me: ...click... (the phone jumped from my hand and forced itself to the floorboard, I don't know how that happened *wink, wink*)
Sometimes I think, especially because I'm married, that communication can be difficult. Men are truly from mars and have spaghetti for brains (view depends on the book you've read). I've met people in my life that it seemed no amount of reason communicated to them would make them any less trivial, or instigating, or quick tempered. But all of this just leads me to my relationship with Christ. I thought about how frustrated I was in the car after my experience with the free 411 'lady' and how I couldn't get to where I was going or know which way to turn because it seemed like we were speaking a different language. I know sometimes I feel that way with God. Obviously he's not audible and if I try to use my finite mind and simplistic understanding of who He is, then I think I'd never get closer to Him. But the relationship I've felt grow over the last few months has truly surprised me. Getting in His word, relying heavily on prayer, he communicates with me in a whole new way. It's something I can't even really explain. But by seeking Him and questioning and trying to learn more and more, I understand more, I "see" more, I even see prayers answered more obviously, quickly and I have found peace where before I would have worried myself into a pit, or worse. Communication is crucial and the foundation of any real, lasting and healthy relationship. I just don't know why it took me so long to understand it in a way that made sense to the only relationship that truly matters.
Verse to Ponder: Proverbs 8:14 "Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom; I am understanding, I have strength."
Ok, so I was doing errands the other day and was needing to call my dr. to set an appointment. I was in the car driving and called the free 411 800 number my friend gave me and waited for the prompts. I thought it would be awesome to call a free 411, because who wants to pay the outrageous fee to ask for a number, all of which takes like ten seconds, but still costs like $2. Ouch. So anyway, I called the number and followed the prompts (it's all automated), and it went something like this...
Recording: "What city and state?"
Me: McKinney, Texas
Recording: "Mckinley?"
Me: Mic-ken-ey
Recording: "McKinney?"
Me: "Yes"
Recording: "Would you like business, residential or toll free?"
Me: "Business"
Recording: "SAY, Business or Residential"
Me: "uh....(louder) Business"
Recording: "I'm sorry, I did not understand. SAY Business or Res..."
Me: (interupting) BIZ-NESS!
Recording: "By name or type?"
Me: (loudly) NAME
Recording: "What name?"
Me: "Dr. Banks"
Recording: "I'm sorry, say the na..."
Me: "DOCTOR BanKS"
Recording: "I didn't underst.."
Me: "TRACEY BANKS"
Recording: "I'm sorry, I..."
Me: "DUH-AHK-TORE BUH-AY-EN-KUH-SSS" (loudly, I think I popped a vein in my forehead)
Recording: "Would you like to try again?"
Me: "FORGET IT!"
Recording: "I'm sorry, I do not understand."
Me: ...click... (the phone jumped from my hand and forced itself to the floorboard, I don't know how that happened *wink, wink*)
Sometimes I think, especially because I'm married, that communication can be difficult. Men are truly from mars and have spaghetti for brains (view depends on the book you've read). I've met people in my life that it seemed no amount of reason communicated to them would make them any less trivial, or instigating, or quick tempered. But all of this just leads me to my relationship with Christ. I thought about how frustrated I was in the car after my experience with the free 411 'lady' and how I couldn't get to where I was going or know which way to turn because it seemed like we were speaking a different language. I know sometimes I feel that way with God. Obviously he's not audible and if I try to use my finite mind and simplistic understanding of who He is, then I think I'd never get closer to Him. But the relationship I've felt grow over the last few months has truly surprised me. Getting in His word, relying heavily on prayer, he communicates with me in a whole new way. It's something I can't even really explain. But by seeking Him and questioning and trying to learn more and more, I understand more, I "see" more, I even see prayers answered more obviously, quickly and I have found peace where before I would have worried myself into a pit, or worse. Communication is crucial and the foundation of any real, lasting and healthy relationship. I just don't know why it took me so long to understand it in a way that made sense to the only relationship that truly matters.
Verse to Ponder: Proverbs 8:14 "Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom; I am understanding, I have strength."
Monday, September 15, 2008
BIG 100!!! and yIKEs!
Woo Hoo! Today I see that I have 100 posts! Thanks to those of you still reading my ramblings after so long. :)
Well, so we weren't in the path of Ike, *phew*, but there were many, many more that were. Lots that will have to rebuild their property, their lives from this day forward. It seems kinda sureal as I look outside and see the gorgeous weather we have here.
I'm going by what I hear on the boob tube, which may be my problem to begin with, and not knowing the 'true' motives of the Galvestonians (maybe they couldn't get out, i.e. didn't have transportation or were too sick or elderly, but I assume that wasn't the case for the 100k who didn't budge), I may be speaking out of turn. But nonetheless, "What the...?" They were given a mandatory evacuation, MAN-DA-TORY. They were told if they chose to stay they would need to write their social security #s on their arms, and that they would be on their own. BUT, thousands, HUNDREDS of thousands stayed. So now they put the tax dollars and rescue personel in hot water, pun intended. They reported over 1000 emergency rescue calls the night Ike hit, and they did what they said they'd do, they said "sorry" and to wait it out. The next day though, as the storm was still leaving effects and the water wasn't usable, and power lines were down, mass flooding and destruction, these rescue forces were out cleaning up the mess and starting the rescue of those people that didn't head the warnings.
It makes me upset!
It's really not fair to the rescue teams to be put into danger for those that wouldn't budge, or to those that left who will be footing the tax bill of the rescue team's aid for those who stayed. They shut down the island for goodness sakes! Maybe next time there will be a punishment for those that stay with their fingers plugging their ears, eyes closed saying "La-la-la-la-la, I'm not listening" while the order for MANDATORY evacuation was being given FOUR DAYS in advance. Didn't we learn anything from Katrina people? Get out!
On another note, we got word from the YL in Haiti. They have been hit again and again by all the tropical storms recently and are having trouble putting it all back together. Please pray for them...
Verse to Ponder: Romans 8:38, 39 (NKJV) "For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Well, so we weren't in the path of Ike, *phew*, but there were many, many more that were. Lots that will have to rebuild their property, their lives from this day forward. It seems kinda sureal as I look outside and see the gorgeous weather we have here.
I know it goes without saying that we are all praying for these that were in the path, but I do have one beef. **update** I wrote this earlier this morning, then found this article this evening. http://news.yahoo.com/s/csm/20080915/ts_csm/aike
I'm going by what I hear on the boob tube, which may be my problem to begin with, and not knowing the 'true' motives of the Galvestonians (maybe they couldn't get out, i.e. didn't have transportation or were too sick or elderly, but I assume that wasn't the case for the 100k who didn't budge), I may be speaking out of turn. But nonetheless, "What the...?" They were given a mandatory evacuation, MAN-DA-TORY. They were told if they chose to stay they would need to write their social security #s on their arms, and that they would be on their own. BUT, thousands, HUNDREDS of thousands stayed. So now they put the tax dollars and rescue personel in hot water, pun intended. They reported over 1000 emergency rescue calls the night Ike hit, and they did what they said they'd do, they said "sorry" and to wait it out. The next day though, as the storm was still leaving effects and the water wasn't usable, and power lines were down, mass flooding and destruction, these rescue forces were out cleaning up the mess and starting the rescue of those people that didn't head the warnings.
It makes me upset!
It's really not fair to the rescue teams to be put into danger for those that wouldn't budge, or to those that left who will be footing the tax bill of the rescue team's aid for those who stayed. They shut down the island for goodness sakes! Maybe next time there will be a punishment for those that stay with their fingers plugging their ears, eyes closed saying "La-la-la-la-la, I'm not listening" while the order for MANDATORY evacuation was being given FOUR DAYS in advance. Didn't we learn anything from Katrina people? Get out!
On another note, we got word from the YL in Haiti. They have been hit again and again by all the tropical storms recently and are having trouble putting it all back together. Please pray for them...
Dear Friends:
I learned yesterday from Joe Walters, Young Life vice president for Latin America, of the impact Hurricane Hanna has had on our staff and volunteers in Haiti. Sadly, one of our own volunteer leaders is among those who lost their lives in this storm. Following is an e-mail written from Joe:
I was able to make contact tonight with Chedrick Caneus, our national director in Haiti. He is a beautiful testimony of a wonderful, godly leader. When asked how we can help, he said would you ask others to pray. I assured him I would. He told me the name of our volunteer leader in Gonaives who died as a result of the storm. His name is Aristide Emmanuel. He was not married. It seems that those who lived in homes with a second story or a sturdy roof to escape the rising waters were safe. Unfortunately this was not the case for Aristide. Chedrick reported that the other cities deeply affected by the hurricanes where we have Young Life, Miragone and Massaide, all survived without loss of life. The roads to each of these areas are washed out and Chedrick is staying in touch with all by phone. We ended our time tonight on the phone by praying together. I continue to receive way more than I ever give to these saints. Tonight was another example of this. Please pray for those struggling with this tragedy and with the challenge of rebuilding their lives after the storm. Furthermore, if you are in a position to help financially, you can send your gift to the Service Center made payable to Young Life X365 Haiti, hurricane relief. The immediate need is for food, water and temporary shelter for our Young Life staff and volunteers in Haiti, and as the damage is assessed there will be a long-term need for funds to rebuild the homes of these same staff and volunteers.
We will provide ongoing information about the impact of the storm on Haiti on younglife.org. In the meantime, thank you for praying for our brothers and sisters in the mission and all others affected by the storms.
Verse to Ponder: Romans 8:38, 39 (NKJV) "For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Friday, September 12, 2008
From one moment to the next
I just finished reading (another) book by Ted Dekker called, Blink of an Eye. It was such a neat way to think about God's hand in our lives.
It showed how free will and God's will circle around, within and about each other. I will admit I've always been confused as to how God can know everything that is going to happen, but yet we still have free will. How is his will done, if ours changes and can stand in the way of the plans he has for us?
This book was such a unique way to understand this concept. It showed a main character that suddenly was blessed with the gift to see all possible 'futures', each changing from moment to moment based on what he did, what the person near him did, what each person did around him. Near the end this self-professed non-believer found God almost 'by accident' with a simple prayer. That prayer then made him see all futures, but all now were intertwined by God's will.
I thought about it and how huge this idea really is. Our every moment, every second can be influenced and changed, altered or even aborted due not only to our actions and thoughts, but everyone around us, and what they will do or say. But bringing God in, attaches him to these moments. And now, God plays a part. Yes, the moments change over and over again presenting alternate 'futures' for us, but I know that God keeps up. He can see all these futures, all these choices, and He, like us can alter what is done from moment to moment. So does he know what will happen? Yes. But it's not as black-and-white as that, he knows ALL possible futures, based on what we as humans choose to do from one moment to the next. Allowing him in to help us, to author our story, our futures, has such a different spin now. How intricate our lives are if dissected moment by moment, second by second, future by possible future, and he's there, throughout all of it. So in the next ten seconds, I could go get coffee, keep writing, yawn, or even blink. Each of these could happen, but they are up to me. He sees them all, all possibilities. When our choice is made he acts accordingly, then foresees the next string of possible futures. The thought of it alone is enough to make my head hurt!
But, it kinda makes you feel special doesn't it?
Beyond that it explains a lot of questions. How he can take a single moment, the opportunity that we give him, should we lay that moment, that circumstance, that trial, that pain, that worry at his feet, how he can avert it, or allow it, all the while taking charge of it, so that he can bring us back to his glory.
Wow.
Verse to Ponder: II Chronicles 16:9a (NIV) For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.
It showed how free will and God's will circle around, within and about each other. I will admit I've always been confused as to how God can know everything that is going to happen, but yet we still have free will. How is his will done, if ours changes and can stand in the way of the plans he has for us?
This book was such a unique way to understand this concept. It showed a main character that suddenly was blessed with the gift to see all possible 'futures', each changing from moment to moment based on what he did, what the person near him did, what each person did around him. Near the end this self-professed non-believer found God almost 'by accident' with a simple prayer. That prayer then made him see all futures, but all now were intertwined by God's will.
I thought about it and how huge this idea really is. Our every moment, every second can be influenced and changed, altered or even aborted due not only to our actions and thoughts, but everyone around us, and what they will do or say. But bringing God in, attaches him to these moments. And now, God plays a part. Yes, the moments change over and over again presenting alternate 'futures' for us, but I know that God keeps up. He can see all these futures, all these choices, and He, like us can alter what is done from moment to moment. So does he know what will happen? Yes. But it's not as black-and-white as that, he knows ALL possible futures, based on what we as humans choose to do from one moment to the next. Allowing him in to help us, to author our story, our futures, has such a different spin now. How intricate our lives are if dissected moment by moment, second by second, future by possible future, and he's there, throughout all of it. So in the next ten seconds, I could go get coffee, keep writing, yawn, or even blink. Each of these could happen, but they are up to me. He sees them all, all possibilities. When our choice is made he acts accordingly, then foresees the next string of possible futures. The thought of it alone is enough to make my head hurt!
But, it kinda makes you feel special doesn't it?
Beyond that it explains a lot of questions. How he can take a single moment, the opportunity that we give him, should we lay that moment, that circumstance, that trial, that pain, that worry at his feet, how he can avert it, or allow it, all the while taking charge of it, so that he can bring us back to his glory.
Wow.
Verse to Ponder: II Chronicles 16:9a (NIV) For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
It's only fitting...
Well, today is 'that' anniversary...so I thought I'd ramble about it a bit.
I still remember the details of the morning the planes crashed into the two towers, as I assume most people do. I was on my way to work and heard bits and pieces on the radio some time after the first plane hit. When I got to work I stood in the lobby and watched with many other building occupants as several side-by-side large screen tvs displayed the events over and over from different angles on different stations all in real time. Everyone was so quiet. I got to my office on the 16th floor and pressed my face to the glass of my floor to ceiling windows and wondered what would have to go through my mind to jump, as I'd heard and seen so many do that morning from almost a hundred floors higher. I thought about all the families. What if it had been my family? Even the news anchors were barely holding it together.
I remember the days that followed, the surge of pride Americans had for our country. I remember the general pop being in support of the war. I remember Bush having a high popularity rating (remember that?) I remember 'Freedom fries' (btw, Dairy Palace in Canton still has them labeled like that on their menu). I remember flags on every business, in front yards, attached to cars. I remember what it was like to look at people of middle-eastern descent differently. Even though I knew it was wrong, I think, I, like most people, felt betrayed and it felt easy, justified even, to, even internally, point the finger somewhere.
I know how much that single act changed everything, the way we felt safe and somewhat indestructible, the way it hit our economy, and here 7 years later we still feel it's affects. The way we feel about war, about our leadership, about how little we really used to care about places and cultures outside our nation and now how guilty we feel as we pay the price for being so naive and self-centered.
Throughout all of this questions have been raised. How can God do this to us? One thing I've learned is that God didn't DO this. Allow it, maybe. But all things, ALL things can be given to God to handle or position or alter or change or affect for His glory. I believe He cried that day, just like the day he allowed his son to suffer and die in agony. He allowed it to save us. Even though we may not understand his ways, it is in our best interest, maybe not here in this place...but then, maybe so. One action begets many, many more and lives are changed, eternally.
It's so difficult with our finite minds to process pain and see beyond the right now, the all-about-us, even if we have the best intentions. But God is not a God of confusion or fear, he is a God of peace and mercy, even if the decisions and free will of the world seem to stand in it's way, God prevails.
I like that he takes that responsibility. I find comfort that if I give it over to him, he has my best interests in mind. When things like this happen, or when they hit closer to home with family members passing, grief, sickness, divorce, etc., that He is still there in the midst of it, ready to turn it all around for His glory, should we be so brave to trust him with it.
Maybe, on this anniversary, instead of blaming our leadership, we should make ourselves knowledgeable about the issues and candidates. Maybe instead of spending our time boycotting fast food titles, we should find the time to fervently pray for change. Maybe instead of sitting ignorant and blind to what's going on outside our cozy picket fences and plush suburban lives, we should investigate the economies, cultures and differences of the world outside ours and see what we can do to help.
Maybe on this anniversary, we should come together and hang His flag above our doorsteps.
Verse to Ponder: Proverbs 30:5 (NKJV) For every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him.
I still remember the details of the morning the planes crashed into the two towers, as I assume most people do. I was on my way to work and heard bits and pieces on the radio some time after the first plane hit. When I got to work I stood in the lobby and watched with many other building occupants as several side-by-side large screen tvs displayed the events over and over from different angles on different stations all in real time. Everyone was so quiet. I got to my office on the 16th floor and pressed my face to the glass of my floor to ceiling windows and wondered what would have to go through my mind to jump, as I'd heard and seen so many do that morning from almost a hundred floors higher. I thought about all the families. What if it had been my family? Even the news anchors were barely holding it together.
I remember the days that followed, the surge of pride Americans had for our country. I remember the general pop being in support of the war. I remember Bush having a high popularity rating (remember that?) I remember 'Freedom fries' (btw, Dairy Palace in Canton still has them labeled like that on their menu). I remember flags on every business, in front yards, attached to cars. I remember what it was like to look at people of middle-eastern descent differently. Even though I knew it was wrong, I think, I, like most people, felt betrayed and it felt easy, justified even, to, even internally, point the finger somewhere.
I know how much that single act changed everything, the way we felt safe and somewhat indestructible, the way it hit our economy, and here 7 years later we still feel it's affects. The way we feel about war, about our leadership, about how little we really used to care about places and cultures outside our nation and now how guilty we feel as we pay the price for being so naive and self-centered.
Throughout all of this questions have been raised. How can God do this to us? One thing I've learned is that God didn't DO this. Allow it, maybe. But all things, ALL things can be given to God to handle or position or alter or change or affect for His glory. I believe He cried that day, just like the day he allowed his son to suffer and die in agony. He allowed it to save us. Even though we may not understand his ways, it is in our best interest, maybe not here in this place...but then, maybe so. One action begets many, many more and lives are changed, eternally.
It's so difficult with our finite minds to process pain and see beyond the right now, the all-about-us, even if we have the best intentions. But God is not a God of confusion or fear, he is a God of peace and mercy, even if the decisions and free will of the world seem to stand in it's way, God prevails.
I like that he takes that responsibility. I find comfort that if I give it over to him, he has my best interests in mind. When things like this happen, or when they hit closer to home with family members passing, grief, sickness, divorce, etc., that He is still there in the midst of it, ready to turn it all around for His glory, should we be so brave to trust him with it.
Maybe, on this anniversary, instead of blaming our leadership, we should make ourselves knowledgeable about the issues and candidates. Maybe instead of spending our time boycotting fast food titles, we should find the time to fervently pray for change. Maybe instead of sitting ignorant and blind to what's going on outside our cozy picket fences and plush suburban lives, we should investigate the economies, cultures and differences of the world outside ours and see what we can do to help.
Maybe on this anniversary, we should come together and hang His flag above our doorsteps.
Verse to Ponder: Proverbs 30:5 (NKJV) For every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Relax!!
So we went the lake with the leaders this past weekend and it was great...except...the 4 wheeler we were told we could use had some 'issues'. I never rode it, but I was told to tell the owner that the chain was loose, it sometimes didn't go in reverse and unfortunately, the key was lost.
I told her, but she responded with..."We will go later in the week to assess the damages and further contact you."
Yikes! Damages? Whoa, wait, they told me before riding that the chain looked loose and that the key kept falling out (so they put it in the house and then couldn't find it later), as far as I knew she already knew about that and the reverse thing...I was just trying to be upfront about everything over the weekend, and now 'damages'? YL doesn't have the $$ to cover damages, although I was told they would take care of it if need be. But I feel responsible. I set up the trip, I contacted her, my husband drove the thing a few times...
OH, and did I mention that my son actually fractured his arm falling off the kid-sized zip line on their property...talk about feeling like a bad mom. I didn't take him to the doctor until yesterday (during business hrs, versus the weekend), when it happened Saturday. He now has a fabulous orange cast to remind me. But I didn't tell the owner about that...
UG. My stomach literally is wound in knots. I prayed the whole way to visit my counselor today (did I mention we're doing a few sessions due to the recent events with the letter?), felt so responsible and then I pull in next to a car that had a bumper sticker on the back windshield that had two cartoon penguins facing each other, one with a giant fish over its head, like it was trying to eat the penguin. The words said, "Relax, God is in control!"
HA! Thank you. I still feel bad, but I'm just gonna keep praying and know that it really is out of my hands at this point.
I sang the song I've sung when scared in my past all the way home..."Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all of your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will lead your paths straight." I know its a verse, but I learned it as a song, so long ago I don't know when and I just sing it over and over until I find peace. His peace.
I told her, but she responded with..."We will go later in the week to assess the damages and further contact you."
Yikes! Damages? Whoa, wait, they told me before riding that the chain looked loose and that the key kept falling out (so they put it in the house and then couldn't find it later), as far as I knew she already knew about that and the reverse thing...I was just trying to be upfront about everything over the weekend, and now 'damages'? YL doesn't have the $$ to cover damages, although I was told they would take care of it if need be. But I feel responsible. I set up the trip, I contacted her, my husband drove the thing a few times...
OH, and did I mention that my son actually fractured his arm falling off the kid-sized zip line on their property...talk about feeling like a bad mom. I didn't take him to the doctor until yesterday (during business hrs, versus the weekend), when it happened Saturday. He now has a fabulous orange cast to remind me. But I didn't tell the owner about that...
UG. My stomach literally is wound in knots. I prayed the whole way to visit my counselor today (did I mention we're doing a few sessions due to the recent events with the letter?), felt so responsible and then I pull in next to a car that had a bumper sticker on the back windshield that had two cartoon penguins facing each other, one with a giant fish over its head, like it was trying to eat the penguin. The words said, "Relax, God is in control!"
HA! Thank you. I still feel bad, but I'm just gonna keep praying and know that it really is out of my hands at this point.
I sang the song I've sung when scared in my past all the way home..."Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all of your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will lead your paths straight." I know its a verse, but I learned it as a song, so long ago I don't know when and I just sing it over and over until I find peace. His peace.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Busy, Busy!
This past weekend my family and I went to Lake Texoma for the YL Leader Retreat. We stayed at a cabin and had a great time. We sang songs and shared testimonies and ate smores around a bonfire, planned our semester around the huge island in the kitchen and swam, played with the wakeboard and inflatable, built sandcastles and rode an ATV (I didn't, HA!). It was a great time to bond with our leadership team and get to know everyone's family. The only bummer of the trip was my son fell from a 'kid-sized' zip line and hurt his arm. I think it's just sprained, but he's really nursing it, even during his favorite thing to do, his soccer game yesterday. But they won anyway! Their first academy game together and they won 3 to 0!! YAY! His rec team won too, although we were out of town on Saturday.
Tonight Younglife starts again, with a student leader meeting and girls bible study. I am so excited! MOPS started again last Friday too, and as you know, I'm not one for 'tea parties' (I'll explain some other time), but it was a nice time as well.
This week has YL, soccer (x5), gymnastics, a birthday party and my husband working mucho overtime - so it will be fun, fun!
Here's a verse my son read this morning on the way to school. Afterward he asked, God will never leave me? Even if I'm with the devil? (He means even if he gets lost in the world, does 'bad' things.) It was a great time to share God's love for him, as he has been saved by grace and will forever be a child of God. We talked about how, much like a parent's love, meaning that although we can be disappointed, may even have our hearts broken, that never means our child isn't ours, we could never NOT love our children. He liked hearing that.
Verse to Ponder: Deuteronomy 31:8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
Tonight Younglife starts again, with a student leader meeting and girls bible study. I am so excited! MOPS started again last Friday too, and as you know, I'm not one for 'tea parties' (I'll explain some other time), but it was a nice time as well.
This week has YL, soccer (x5), gymnastics, a birthday party and my husband working mucho overtime - so it will be fun, fun!
Here's a verse my son read this morning on the way to school. Afterward he asked, God will never leave me? Even if I'm with the devil? (He means even if he gets lost in the world, does 'bad' things.) It was a great time to share God's love for him, as he has been saved by grace and will forever be a child of God. We talked about how, much like a parent's love, meaning that although we can be disappointed, may even have our hearts broken, that never means our child isn't ours, we could never NOT love our children. He liked hearing that.
Verse to Ponder: Deuteronomy 31:8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
I'm an idiot when it comes to politics, but...
I'm sure you've heard about McCain's running mate. I'm sure you've also heard that yesterday, they announced that her 17 year old unmarried daughter is pregnant. Oops.
I read some of the comments from John Q. Public and was shocked at how easy it was for everyone to judge, republican or not. (BTW, in case you're curious, I'm not 'affiliated' with either party.)
They went on and on about how the mom was to blame for the daughter's indiscretions, how Palin wasn't ready or suited for the position should she get it, how the newest child in the Palin family must really be the daughter's too, because earlier in the year the 17 yr old looked 'pudgy' at events. So collectively the public has drawn the daughter's name and self-esteem through the mud and quickly judged the mom to be an unsuitable mother and leader.
It just rang home with me. I know that a lot of the stuff I've done and been through had an ill affect on my parents. I know others were quick to judge, gossip, hate, alienate, point fingers and scoff and I'm sure my parents may have even blamed themselves. But the truth is that no one knows what's really going on or why but that person, that family and God, everyone else should just hold their tongue. Often the havoc done by their vile idioms does more damage than the incidents themselves and can lead that person or person(s) down a slippery slope. I'm living proof. I also know that sometimes things just happen, despite all efforts and great upbringing, things happen - out of pain, defense mechanisms, chemical imbalances, loneliness, naivety, or just one stupid mistake or moment of weakness. The world is a cold place sometimes, and sometimes there is no blame to be put anywhere.
I hurt for this little girl, for her mom, for my mom, and for myself as 17 yr old I once was, and as a mom hearing about this story and how closely it relates to my own. I pray that somehow it all works out for His glory. I pray for this little girl dealing with so much and for the microscope she is under to stop. We don't know what's really going on and it's just not our place to judge, frankly it's none of our business. I may be alone on this, like I said, I'm an idiot when it comes to politics, but I think this should be left alone and not introduced into underhanded campaign tactics. I just wish the whole campaigning business were over already.
**Stepping down from my soapbox now.**
I read some of the comments from John Q. Public and was shocked at how easy it was for everyone to judge, republican or not. (BTW, in case you're curious, I'm not 'affiliated' with either party.)
They went on and on about how the mom was to blame for the daughter's indiscretions, how Palin wasn't ready or suited for the position should she get it, how the newest child in the Palin family must really be the daughter's too, because earlier in the year the 17 yr old looked 'pudgy' at events. So collectively the public has drawn the daughter's name and self-esteem through the mud and quickly judged the mom to be an unsuitable mother and leader.
It just rang home with me. I know that a lot of the stuff I've done and been through had an ill affect on my parents. I know others were quick to judge, gossip, hate, alienate, point fingers and scoff and I'm sure my parents may have even blamed themselves. But the truth is that no one knows what's really going on or why but that person, that family and God, everyone else should just hold their tongue. Often the havoc done by their vile idioms does more damage than the incidents themselves and can lead that person or person(s) down a slippery slope. I'm living proof. I also know that sometimes things just happen, despite all efforts and great upbringing, things happen - out of pain, defense mechanisms, chemical imbalances, loneliness, naivety, or just one stupid mistake or moment of weakness. The world is a cold place sometimes, and sometimes there is no blame to be put anywhere.
I hurt for this little girl, for her mom, for my mom, and for myself as 17 yr old I once was, and as a mom hearing about this story and how closely it relates to my own. I pray that somehow it all works out for His glory. I pray for this little girl dealing with so much and for the microscope she is under to stop. We don't know what's really going on and it's just not our place to judge, frankly it's none of our business. I may be alone on this, like I said, I'm an idiot when it comes to politics, but I think this should be left alone and not introduced into underhanded campaign tactics. I just wish the whole campaigning business were over already.
**Stepping down from my soapbox now.**
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
It's been a few days...
So, I've had some time for my emotions to get in check; I haven't cried in about 3 days, so I guess that's good. I slept better last night, and didn't sleep the entire day today. :)
He's still on my mind though - every second of everyday - again. This time with one huge difference, I'm not scared. Now, I'd be lying if I said I haven't been a little anxious. I noticed while we ate lunch in 'his' town the other day I got knots in my stomach, dry, clenched throat, on alert and occasionally scanned faces in the crowd, but it's not like the shut-down, no-eye-contact, check the locks a thousand times paranoia that enveloped me before. I think that's a step in the right direction.
This past Sunday at church there were a few things that stuck out to me, mainly something that was said by the speaker (not our normal guy) about worry and contentment and such. He said that God said that he was to be called "I Am". Don't worry about the past, don't think about it. Don't get consumed with it and remain stuck in your pain or regret because God isn't back there; He's not the "I Was". Don't get consumed with how things will pan out or if you think you can or can't move on, worried about tomorrow, it's choices and decisions, because he didn't say he was called, "I Will Be". He is the God of NOW, He is the "I Am." I had never heard it put that way before, and it brought some comfort.
I know that God is not a God of fear or confusion, so I'm beginning to understand that if I feel consumed by fear and/or confusion, I know I'm not standing with God, or trusting him, but sinking down into myself.
I can't say I still don't want to do something with all of this and him. I can't say I don't want to sit face -to- face with him and get stuff resolved and close this all once and for all. But I want to make sure it's right, and it's the best option, so right now, I'm doing nothing....except praying.
YL starts again soon, and we're having a leader retreat this weekend at the lake, and I'm looking forward to that.
Verse to Ponder: II Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind.
He's still on my mind though - every second of everyday - again. This time with one huge difference, I'm not scared. Now, I'd be lying if I said I haven't been a little anxious. I noticed while we ate lunch in 'his' town the other day I got knots in my stomach, dry, clenched throat, on alert and occasionally scanned faces in the crowd, but it's not like the shut-down, no-eye-contact, check the locks a thousand times paranoia that enveloped me before. I think that's a step in the right direction.
This past Sunday at church there were a few things that stuck out to me, mainly something that was said by the speaker (not our normal guy) about worry and contentment and such. He said that God said that he was to be called "I Am". Don't worry about the past, don't think about it. Don't get consumed with it and remain stuck in your pain or regret because God isn't back there; He's not the "I Was". Don't get consumed with how things will pan out or if you think you can or can't move on, worried about tomorrow, it's choices and decisions, because he didn't say he was called, "I Will Be". He is the God of NOW, He is the "I Am." I had never heard it put that way before, and it brought some comfort.
I know that God is not a God of fear or confusion, so I'm beginning to understand that if I feel consumed by fear and/or confusion, I know I'm not standing with God, or trusting him, but sinking down into myself.
I can't say I still don't want to do something with all of this and him. I can't say I don't want to sit face -to- face with him and get stuff resolved and close this all once and for all. But I want to make sure it's right, and it's the best option, so right now, I'm doing nothing....except praying.
YL starts again soon, and we're having a leader retreat this weekend at the lake, and I'm looking forward to that.
Verse to Ponder: II Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind.
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