It's been a few days...

So, I've had some time for my emotions to get in check; I haven't cried in about 3 days, so I guess that's good. I slept better last night, and didn't sleep the entire day today. :)

He's still on my mind though - every second of everyday - again. This time with one huge difference, I'm not scared. Now, I'd be lying if I said I haven't been a little anxious. I noticed while we ate lunch in 'his' town the other day I got knots in my stomach, dry, clenched throat, on alert and occasionally scanned faces in the crowd, but it's not like the shut-down, no-eye-contact, check the locks a thousand times paranoia that enveloped me before. I think that's a step in the right direction.

This past Sunday at church there were a few things that stuck out to me, mainly something that was said by the speaker (not our normal guy) about worry and contentment and such. He said that God said that he was to be called "I Am". Don't worry about the past, don't think about it. Don't get consumed with it and remain stuck in your pain or regret because God isn't back there; He's not the "I Was". Don't get consumed with how things will pan out or if you think you can or can't move on, worried about tomorrow, it's choices and decisions, because he didn't say he was called, "I Will Be". He is the God of NOW, He is the "I Am." I had never heard it put that way before, and it brought some comfort.

I know that God is not a God of fear or confusion, so I'm beginning to understand that if I feel consumed by fear and/or confusion, I know I'm not standing with God, or trusting him, but sinking down into myself.

I can't say I still don't want to do something with all of this and him. I can't say I don't want to sit face -to- face with him and get stuff resolved and close this all once and for all. But I want to make sure it's right, and it's the best option, so right now, I'm doing nothing....except praying.

YL starts again soon, and we're having a leader retreat this weekend at the lake, and I'm looking forward to that.

Verse to Ponder: II Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind.