Today the kids and I washed my car. Honestly, it wasn't the fun time I thought it would be, but my car is shiny! We went to the pool right after. My son is just a little fish now! He's jumping in the deep end. My daughter was still terrified. She even said she just wanted to go home instead of coming off of the first step. But I convinced her to stay. It took two hours and after crying (her) and begging (me) she accidentally let go of me wearing her pink arm floaties. She was so surprised that nothing happened! I convinced her to try again and after another half hour she finally did. Then she would get scared and look down and flounder and swallow water. I caught myself saying, "Look up, look at my face. Look only at me, nothing else matters. It's going to be okay. If you fall, or something happens, I'm right here, I'll get you, I'll pick you up and help you. You don't have to be afraid, I'm right here." I said it over and over and over again, and yet she still would have times of panic and struggle against me and make matters worse.
HA! Just like me!! How many times has my Father said the same thing to me? How many times has he just waited for me to turn to him and focus only on His face??
I know I've talked about it over and over before, but I feel like He's teaching it to me over and over again, just like I kept saying it to my daughter over and over.
It's like when my son was saved. We went to speak with our children's pastor at church and I sat back and let them talk. The children's pastor asked him a lot of questions to make sure he knew just what was going on, and that the decision was truly his. One of the questions he asked in conversation was, "What do you think will happen if you don't talk to God (meaning praying and reading His word)?" My son said, "I won't know his voice." The children's pastor and I were both floored! It's completely true, when I turn my eyes away, turn away my focus from Him, create distance (for He is always there, it's me that left), and I won't recognize His voice.
Look down, doubt, fear, stumble, flounder and fall. He's just waiting patiently for me to turn my eyes to Him, even if I'm stubborn and forget, or deny Him time and time again.
My daughter is now so proud of herself. We went swimming again this evening with her dad so she could show him how she could swim. And my son learned how to do a cannonball. It was awesome.
Verse to Ponder: Proverbs 3:25, 26 (NKJV) Do not be afraid of sudden terror, Nor of trouble from the wicked when it comes; For the Lord will be your confidence, And will keep your foot from being caught.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Choices
I know in studying I'm starting to learn more about good stuff in, good stuff out. I also know that the pull of the 'old' me is very strong, and it takes a DAILY (sometimes hourly) effort to refocus myself. But last night I was watching Spiderman 3. (I know, I know, I watch a lot of movies, but they make for good blog ideas, right?) And somewhere near the end (spoiler alert) Spiderman is talking to one of the bad guys about choices. He says that no matter what, everyone has a choice.
It got me thinking. Biblically, I know that it says we are ALL born into sin. This throws out of the water what we as a society generally feel that most people are inherently good. I fall into that mindset too, and I've been hurt by it greatly. The truth is though, that we are all born into evil. To say that "I don't murder" or "I don't do what that other guy does" is lying to ourselves, because biblically, we are ALL sinners, each of us, every day. To Him a sin is a sin is a sin.
(Because of this sin, we are all destined to live an eternity apart from Him. But through salvation, we can be made new and live with Him in eternity and in our walk here on this planet.)
So it's all about choice. Everyday I have a choice, and some days, most days, I fail. I catch myself thinking about things I know are wrong, in some small way wanting to be part of the worldliness I used to live for, letting myself be quick to anger, telling even the smallest of white lies on purpose. I have my giants (previous blog), but I know that if I keep focusing on Him, keep studying, keep myself on track, I will have the armor I need to fight the battle. I know I won't always win, and unlike myself, I know if I turn to Him and ask for forgiveness and strength, He will grant it.
I think about these choices from another view these days. I remember several years ago a friend of mine told me that her husband had made the choice to never drink again, not even casually. The first thought I had was WHY? Not even a glass of wine here or there? His point wasn't that alcohol in itself was the problem, but that he didn't want it to lead to excessiveness, or to cause another person to stumble in their walk. I still thought, I could never do that. I know it fits into what most people (myself even recently) would think that having a walk with Christ is about, too many rules, too much to give away. But now, I'm slowly starting to understand. There is so much in return, so much more of a fulfillment with a growing walk with Christ that you don't want to make changes in your life because you 'have to', but because you want too. Things you never thought of as stumbling blocks for yourself, or for those around you, become clear. Your choices start to change because those things just don't matter anymore, and in their place is so much more.
I like the show House. Mostly because of the main character, Dr. House. His genius is awe inspiring, even when his mouthful of sarcasm makes you want cheer on the other players. It's his mounting flaws and struggle with 'Is there a God?' that make you drawn to him. He said something in one episode that stuck with me, "Life is a series of rooms. It's not the rooms that define you, it's what you choose to do in them."
It's all about choice. Everyday is a new day. I try, I make a bad choice, I fall, I learn, I ask for forgiveness and I try again. I make new choices. I make different choices.
Verse to Ponder: Colossians 3:22-24 (NKJV) And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.
It got me thinking. Biblically, I know that it says we are ALL born into sin. This throws out of the water what we as a society generally feel that most people are inherently good. I fall into that mindset too, and I've been hurt by it greatly. The truth is though, that we are all born into evil. To say that "I don't murder" or "I don't do what that other guy does" is lying to ourselves, because biblically, we are ALL sinners, each of us, every day. To Him a sin is a sin is a sin.
(Because of this sin, we are all destined to live an eternity apart from Him. But through salvation, we can be made new and live with Him in eternity and in our walk here on this planet.)
So it's all about choice. Everyday I have a choice, and some days, most days, I fail. I catch myself thinking about things I know are wrong, in some small way wanting to be part of the worldliness I used to live for, letting myself be quick to anger, telling even the smallest of white lies on purpose. I have my giants (previous blog), but I know that if I keep focusing on Him, keep studying, keep myself on track, I will have the armor I need to fight the battle. I know I won't always win, and unlike myself, I know if I turn to Him and ask for forgiveness and strength, He will grant it.
I think about these choices from another view these days. I remember several years ago a friend of mine told me that her husband had made the choice to never drink again, not even casually. The first thought I had was WHY? Not even a glass of wine here or there? His point wasn't that alcohol in itself was the problem, but that he didn't want it to lead to excessiveness, or to cause another person to stumble in their walk. I still thought, I could never do that. I know it fits into what most people (myself even recently) would think that having a walk with Christ is about, too many rules, too much to give away. But now, I'm slowly starting to understand. There is so much in return, so much more of a fulfillment with a growing walk with Christ that you don't want to make changes in your life because you 'have to', but because you want too. Things you never thought of as stumbling blocks for yourself, or for those around you, become clear. Your choices start to change because those things just don't matter anymore, and in their place is so much more.
I like the show House. Mostly because of the main character, Dr. House. His genius is awe inspiring, even when his mouthful of sarcasm makes you want cheer on the other players. It's his mounting flaws and struggle with 'Is there a God?' that make you drawn to him. He said something in one episode that stuck with me, "Life is a series of rooms. It's not the rooms that define you, it's what you choose to do in them."
It's all about choice. Everyday is a new day. I try, I make a bad choice, I fall, I learn, I ask for forgiveness and I try again. I make new choices. I make different choices.
Verse to Ponder: Colossians 3:22-24 (NKJV) And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Flare
My mom came home from her Chicago trip safe (phew!) and brought lots of goodies too. Another big answer to prayer came today for my younglife directors and their pregnancy, and we got a cabin we thought we weren't going to be able too for our leader retreat. I just feel like answers to prayer are coming in abundance. I know it isn't always like this, but it seems like the closer I am in my walk with Him, the easier it is to see Him. The more I turn to Him, the more ways He will find to reward me.
I know in my life I often second guess Him, or short-change His awesomeness and rely on myself. But He is the beginning and the end, I know that my human mind can't even wrap itself around His greatness. And He cares about me, ME! Little 'ole me.
One of the things my mom brought back from her trip was buttons she got at her HR conference. As we were unpacking them from the bag we were all amazed at how they seemed to be made thinking of Him. I thought how funny it would be to see Jesus with a backpack on, or like those guys at T.G.I.Fridays with 'flare' on their suspenders. What would it look like if He had flare on? Well, here's a taste... (Click on the image below for a larger view!)
Verse to Ponder: Revelation 19:16 (NIV) On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written: KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.
I know in my life I often second guess Him, or short-change His awesomeness and rely on myself. But He is the beginning and the end, I know that my human mind can't even wrap itself around His greatness. And He cares about me, ME! Little 'ole me.
One of the things my mom brought back from her trip was buttons she got at her HR conference. As we were unpacking them from the bag we were all amazed at how they seemed to be made thinking of Him. I thought how funny it would be to see Jesus with a backpack on, or like those guys at T.G.I.Fridays with 'flare' on their suspenders. What would it look like if He had flare on? Well, here's a taste... (Click on the image below for a larger view!)
Verse to Ponder: Revelation 19:16 (NIV) On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written: KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
I was made for you...
I know most women struggle with their appearance. I catch myself sucking in, straightening this, tweaking that, throwing back my shoulders and pouting my lips from time to time as I pass by mirrors in my house. I know I wish my boobs were bigger, my thighs a little smaller, my eyelashes longer, and my teeth straighter. I'm guilty.
But one of the things that has taken me so long to realize is how much my husband thinks of me. For instance, I have a phobia of wearing bathing suits (who doesn't?), yet my husband tells me how lovely (ok, he might have used the word, "hot") I am in one. Also, I didn't like my hair cut, but out of the blue he'll tell me he thinks it looks nice. And then there's the huge sun blisters I had on my nose this weekend from being out on the lake. My nose looked like it had third degree burns and I caught myself trying to hide my face from him. He told me he thought I looked beautiful as always and came to sit next to me. Is my husband just some super sweet guy? Well, occasionally, yes. But after twelve years together, I think it goes much deeper than that.
Biblically we are supposed to cleave to each other, becoming 'one'. The bible is much more than don't do this or that, or filled with thee and thou phrases that are hard to understand. (I actually got two books explaining passages and a dual version bible for studying. It helps.) But what I've found within the Song of Solomon...whoa! The stuff in here rivals current romance novels! And what I love most about it is it is a vivid representation of what God meant for us in marriage. How much he changes us to cherish one another. Am I really the most beautiful girl in the world like my husband occasionally says? No. Most times I'm not even the prettiest in the room, but I think at times he genuinely feels that way. It's like that movie, "Shallow Hal". Jack Black gets hypnotized and sees only the beauty within people.
I like to think that in some ways marriage can be like that. Not always, there are days when I know I'm not cute, after the third day without a shower and going on two weeks without makeup, but I think as we grow together in marriage, we start to look past that and see what we were meant to see out of love. For instance, who knew I'd ever think a man with so much hair would be the object of my desire? But there you go.
I know marriage has ups and downs, hills and valleys, but working on it day by day, seeking the relationship and all of it's passion and mystery, respect and adoration that God had in mind for us is the true treasure. When I was younger it was explained to me this way: Live your marriage like a triangle. You are on the right bottom corner and your spouse in on the left bottom corner. The only way to truly come together as one (at the top) is to go together toward Christ (which is on the top corner). It's not an everyday win, but the journey you take together is well worth it.
Verses to Ponder: All of Song of Soloman is amazing, but I'll just put some of what the man says to his bride here - you should really read what she says back!!: (The Message)
"Oh, get up, dear friend, my fair and beautiful lover—come to me!
You're so beautiful, my darling, so beautiful, and your dove eyes are veiled by your hair as it flows and shimmers, like a flock of goats in the distance streaming down a hillside in the sunshine. Your smile is generous and full— expressive and strong and clean. Your lips are jewel red, your mouth elegant and inviting, your veiled cheeks soft and radiant. The smooth, lithe lines of your neck command notice—all heads turn in awe and admiration! Your breasts are like fawns, twins of a gazelle, grazing among the first spring flowers.
The sweet, fragrant curves of your body, the soft, spiced contours of your flesh invite me, and I come. I stay until dawn breathes its light and night slips away. You're beautiful from head to toe, my dear love, beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless.
The kisses of your lips are honey, my love, every syllable you speak a delicacy to savor.
Body and soul, you are paradise, a whole orchard of succulent fruits-
Your beauty is too much for me—I'm in over my head. I'm not used to this! I can't take it in.
There's no one like her on earth, never has been, never will be. She's a woman beyond compare.
Shapely and graceful your sandaled feet, and queenly your movement—Your limbs are lithe and elegant, the work of a master artist. Your body is a chalice, wine-filled. Your skin is silken and tawny like a field of wheat touched by the breeze. Your breasts are like fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is carved ivory, curved and slender. Your eyes are wells of light, deep with mystery. Quintessentially feminine!
You are tall and supple, like the palm tree, and your full breasts are like sweet clusters of dates. I say, "I'm going to climb that palm tree! I'm going to caress its fruit!" Oh yes! Your breasts will be clusters of sweet fruit to me"
But one of the things that has taken me so long to realize is how much my husband thinks of me. For instance, I have a phobia of wearing bathing suits (who doesn't?), yet my husband tells me how lovely (ok, he might have used the word, "hot") I am in one. Also, I didn't like my hair cut, but out of the blue he'll tell me he thinks it looks nice. And then there's the huge sun blisters I had on my nose this weekend from being out on the lake. My nose looked like it had third degree burns and I caught myself trying to hide my face from him. He told me he thought I looked beautiful as always and came to sit next to me. Is my husband just some super sweet guy? Well, occasionally, yes. But after twelve years together, I think it goes much deeper than that.
Biblically we are supposed to cleave to each other, becoming 'one'. The bible is much more than don't do this or that, or filled with thee and thou phrases that are hard to understand. (I actually got two books explaining passages and a dual version bible for studying. It helps.) But what I've found within the Song of Solomon...whoa! The stuff in here rivals current romance novels! And what I love most about it is it is a vivid representation of what God meant for us in marriage. How much he changes us to cherish one another. Am I really the most beautiful girl in the world like my husband occasionally says? No. Most times I'm not even the prettiest in the room, but I think at times he genuinely feels that way. It's like that movie, "Shallow Hal". Jack Black gets hypnotized and sees only the beauty within people.
I like to think that in some ways marriage can be like that. Not always, there are days when I know I'm not cute, after the third day without a shower and going on two weeks without makeup, but I think as we grow together in marriage, we start to look past that and see what we were meant to see out of love. For instance, who knew I'd ever think a man with so much hair would be the object of my desire? But there you go.
I know marriage has ups and downs, hills and valleys, but working on it day by day, seeking the relationship and all of it's passion and mystery, respect and adoration that God had in mind for us is the true treasure. When I was younger it was explained to me this way: Live your marriage like a triangle. You are on the right bottom corner and your spouse in on the left bottom corner. The only way to truly come together as one (at the top) is to go together toward Christ (which is on the top corner). It's not an everyday win, but the journey you take together is well worth it.
Verses to Ponder: All of Song of Soloman is amazing, but I'll just put some of what the man says to his bride here - you should really read what she says back!!: (The Message)
"Oh, get up, dear friend, my fair and beautiful lover—come to me!
You're so beautiful, my darling, so beautiful, and your dove eyes are veiled by your hair as it flows and shimmers, like a flock of goats in the distance streaming down a hillside in the sunshine. Your smile is generous and full— expressive and strong and clean. Your lips are jewel red, your mouth elegant and inviting, your veiled cheeks soft and radiant. The smooth, lithe lines of your neck command notice—all heads turn in awe and admiration! Your breasts are like fawns, twins of a gazelle, grazing among the first spring flowers.
The sweet, fragrant curves of your body, the soft, spiced contours of your flesh invite me, and I come. I stay until dawn breathes its light and night slips away. You're beautiful from head to toe, my dear love, beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless.
The kisses of your lips are honey, my love, every syllable you speak a delicacy to savor.
Body and soul, you are paradise, a whole orchard of succulent fruits-
Your beauty is too much for me—I'm in over my head. I'm not used to this! I can't take it in.
There's no one like her on earth, never has been, never will be. She's a woman beyond compare.
Shapely and graceful your sandaled feet, and queenly your movement—Your limbs are lithe and elegant, the work of a master artist. Your body is a chalice, wine-filled. Your skin is silken and tawny like a field of wheat touched by the breeze. Your breasts are like fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is carved ivory, curved and slender. Your eyes are wells of light, deep with mystery. Quintessentially feminine!
You are tall and supple, like the palm tree, and your full breasts are like sweet clusters of dates. I say, "I'm going to climb that palm tree! I'm going to caress its fruit!" Oh yes! Your breasts will be clusters of sweet fruit to me"
Monday, June 23, 2008
I am reminded...
In the last few days I have been reminded about how much older I am getting. I've been accused of not being adventurous anymore..."ten years ago you would have been all over this! What happened to you? You used to be adventurous!" Yeah, yeah, I know. But things are different when you have kids. Doing crazy things carries much bigger consequences. Also, when that desire to do the things I used to do, wild, crazy and 'adventurous' things, has been squashed for so long, when every time you bring it up, you get told you aren't a kid, well, after a while you believe it. Until the same person who laughs or asks if you are serious when you mention you want to do the fun stuff you used to in turn tells you that you used to be adventurous and asks what happened? It reminds you just how much you have changed.
I guess this is what some could consider a 'quarter-life crisis'. But I don't feel that I'm necessarily missing anything, my life is very fulfilling. But, yes, every now and again I want to go to six flags, I want to bungee, or travel just to get the stamp on my passport, to sky dive, to scuba dive, to race fast cars, to go go karting, to learn how to snow board, to go to a concert, learn how to shoot a gun, to dress up on Halloween...so sue me.
I'm going to work on getting my adventure back. I know I don't really miss it often, but when I do, I do. And I'm tired of being made to feel dumb for wanting to do those things, and when I don't step up to the plate I'm told I'm not adventurous and not the girl I used to be. I believe that God wants us to enjoy what we have here, experience and taste life, within reason, within the limits that have been set for us.
SO, this past weekend I tried wakeboarding. I will admit it, I was a bit chicken at first (yes, very out of character for the 'old' me), but I did it. Here's a recap:
1. Get in the water with wakeboard on feet and hold the rope.
2. My husband guns it, rope gets yanked out of my hands, shoulders feel like they have been ripped off.
3. Wakeboard rips to the left and I slam face forward under a wave for a mouth and nose full of ethanol, fish poo, power plant runoff and visitor's litter infused with dirt filled lake water.
4. It BURNS!
5. REPEAT 10xs.
I never got out of the water, not even close. He'd gun it, and my arms tried to rip off and that was it. Several times, took about 3 seconds each. My husband kept telling me that gunning it was the way he and his buddy did it, and was the 'only' way to do it...I kept reminding him I'm only about a buck twelve, not a full grown (and then some) adult male.
Oh well, I'll try it again next weekend if we can get a sitter...and maybe another driver. :)
Here's the verse for today. I've mentioned it before, but I like it. I am reminded by it that I can live life through Him to the fullest, no matter what anyone else says, or how they make me feel.
Verse to Ponder: John 10:10 (NIV) The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
I guess this is what some could consider a 'quarter-life crisis'. But I don't feel that I'm necessarily missing anything, my life is very fulfilling. But, yes, every now and again I want to go to six flags, I want to bungee, or travel just to get the stamp on my passport, to sky dive, to scuba dive, to race fast cars, to go go karting, to learn how to snow board, to go to a concert, learn how to shoot a gun, to dress up on Halloween...so sue me.
I'm going to work on getting my adventure back. I know I don't really miss it often, but when I do, I do. And I'm tired of being made to feel dumb for wanting to do those things, and when I don't step up to the plate I'm told I'm not adventurous and not the girl I used to be. I believe that God wants us to enjoy what we have here, experience and taste life, within reason, within the limits that have been set for us.
SO, this past weekend I tried wakeboarding. I will admit it, I was a bit chicken at first (yes, very out of character for the 'old' me), but I did it. Here's a recap:
1. Get in the water with wakeboard on feet and hold the rope.
2. My husband guns it, rope gets yanked out of my hands, shoulders feel like they have been ripped off.
3. Wakeboard rips to the left and I slam face forward under a wave for a mouth and nose full of ethanol, fish poo, power plant runoff and visitor's litter infused with dirt filled lake water.
4. It BURNS!
5. REPEAT 10xs.
I never got out of the water, not even close. He'd gun it, and my arms tried to rip off and that was it. Several times, took about 3 seconds each. My husband kept telling me that gunning it was the way he and his buddy did it, and was the 'only' way to do it...I kept reminding him I'm only about a buck twelve, not a full grown (and then some) adult male.
Oh well, I'll try it again next weekend if we can get a sitter...and maybe another driver. :)
Here's the verse for today. I've mentioned it before, but I like it. I am reminded by it that I can live life through Him to the fullest, no matter what anyone else says, or how they make me feel.
Verse to Ponder: John 10:10 (NIV) The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
Friday, June 20, 2008
It's over...
Well, VBS week is finally over. I say finally, because I'm exhausted, but really, I'm going to miss it. I was never so able to freely talk with my kids about what they learned, what they thought, questions they had, because I had been there right in the action with what they were taught and what they experienced. Just because of that, I will do it again next year. I also saw many kids every day and today as we were winding down they started to open up about what they learned and drew pictures about what "Serving Jesus" (theme of the week, serving Jesus through serving your neighbors, family, friends and community) means to them. I made some new friendships and overall had a pretty good time.
Now it's on to Young Life Camp. It's only a couple weeks away and I'm getting anxious. I know from what I've heard that it is life changing, not only to the kids, but to us as leaders as well. I've grown so much lately through study and reflection, that I'm excited to lead into this adventure as well. Just hope I don't break anything!! I'm going wakeboarding for the first time this weekend to try and practice for the trip.
I've stalled at $550 for the one kid I'm helping to send to camp. Today they added a new fundraiser online and I'm going to keep going with my efforts through selling stuff on Craigslist.
My mom is in Chicago, and I'm not gonna lie, I'm nervous. But I know to just keep praying. My sister has decided what she is going to do for school next year and I think it's a very smart move. My dad is recovering well from his surgery, and we are all thankful for that!
It's been a pretty good week!
Oh, and I know I've mentioned the lyrics to this song before, but it's just SO beautiful, I found a link to hear it! (What did I do before YouTube???)
Now it's on to Young Life Camp. It's only a couple weeks away and I'm getting anxious. I know from what I've heard that it is life changing, not only to the kids, but to us as leaders as well. I've grown so much lately through study and reflection, that I'm excited to lead into this adventure as well. Just hope I don't break anything!! I'm going wakeboarding for the first time this weekend to try and practice for the trip.
I've stalled at $550 for the one kid I'm helping to send to camp. Today they added a new fundraiser online and I'm going to keep going with my efforts through selling stuff on Craigslist.
My mom is in Chicago, and I'm not gonna lie, I'm nervous. But I know to just keep praying. My sister has decided what she is going to do for school next year and I think it's a very smart move. My dad is recovering well from his surgery, and we are all thankful for that!
It's been a pretty good week!
Oh, and I know I've mentioned the lyrics to this song before, but it's just SO beautiful, I found a link to hear it! (What did I do before YouTube???)
Thursday, June 19, 2008
We gonna have CHURCH up in here!!
I love it when we have upbeat gospel at our church, it's so exciting to worship that way.
One of my favorite comedians is Steve Harvey, he was on TV on a Sitcom for a while, and did the Kings of Comedy tour and movie. I think he has a radio show now in Dallas.
I just stumbled on this clip today on You Tube. He talks about if he was to given the opportunity to announce Jesus to come onto the stage, this is how he would do it. I think it's pretty cool. Especially the crowd of thousands on their feet! Wouldn't that be amazing if I really was the one in charge of announcing him?!
One of my favorite comedians is Steve Harvey, he was on TV on a Sitcom for a while, and did the Kings of Comedy tour and movie. I think he has a radio show now in Dallas.
I just stumbled on this clip today on You Tube. He talks about if he was to given the opportunity to announce Jesus to come onto the stage, this is how he would do it. I think it's pretty cool. Especially the crowd of thousands on their feet! Wouldn't that be amazing if I really was the one in charge of announcing him?!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Tiny pieces of scrap paper
As Christians we're supposed to 'spread the good news'. This week in VBS we were given info to help us if a child has questions about what they've learned or about beginning a relationship with Christ. I was fine until they brought us 'decision cards' to fill out with just how the conversation went. **GULP** For some reason this now made it real. I could have a real part in the most important decision these kids will ever make. The same is true at Young Life Camp that's coming up. We're supposed to talk to our group one by one by the end of the week to make sure we can help them with anything they are struggling with, or any decisions they are making that week. Again, I think I'm prepared, but if I let my self-doubt creep in, I get kinda scared. And what am I thinking? Worrying makes my complexion horrible.
Aren't I supposed to be able to (and want to) engage in conversation about how to have a relationship with Christ, how to become saved, to be part of His eternity? I tell my kids that all the time, but when I'm faced with doing it, all my insecurities rush in. What if I don't know enough? What if I don't know the answer to their questions? What if I discourage, confuse or cause them to stumble...
In conversation with the other moms recently I overheard them talking about one of their sons going up to another girl in his class who happened to be Jewish. He told her that he was worried about her and he wanted to tell her about Jesus and didn't want her to spend eternity without Him (in Hell). The mom of the little girl was furious and told the teacher who talked with the son's mom, who told the son not to speak about it again at school, or to the girl about it again because it was their religion.
I was caught off guard. At first I thought, isn't he doing what we were called to do? But then I thought, what if it were my child? How would I respond? I know there's the whole church and school debate, but I'm confused as to why my kids can come home with papers describing Kwanzaa and Hanukkah, but discussing the birth of Christ is taboo. Or why Evolution, although a theory, is plastered throughout textbooks, but the alternate 'theory' of creation, is ignored. I'm not saying my kids should be alloted a time to stand on a soap box, but why so much effort to squelch it? Wouldn't it be considered an alternate view, something else to discuss about our diverse cultures? We can respect other's beliefs, but in denying Christian beliefs, hiding and condemning the kids for being open about their faith, even if it's just praying to themselves (my nephew got in trouble for praying over his PB&J at lunch and was called to the office), isn't that disrespecting to Christians? Muslims can leave class to pray several times a day, and schools here still serve just fish on Fridays to those who must eat it alone to respect their beliefs...
Don't get me wrong, I am all for respecting other's beliefs, but to what end? Where do our responsibilities of Christians fit in? I don't believe in standing on a street corner with a bullhorn and telling the general masses they are damned if they don't convert. But I do think that we are supposed to look for and pray for opportunities to share. Why are we so afraid?
I heard about a little boy that visited our church from Russia (I think) recently. Where he lived previously he wasn't allowed to share the message of Christ, the love, hope, faith, forgiveness, grace, mercy and salvation. Did he stop? This little boy spent every waking moment secretly loving and sharing with those around him who didn't know Christ. He began conversations with strangers with simple witnessing questions written on tiny scraps of paper. He faced persecution of sorts with the laws of where he lived and even as a small child, was brave and persistent. When he came here to the church, he was still passing out small papers even though he was now free to share about the God he loved so much, who first loved him.
We're free to share, to love, to not hide and yet we do...I do. I complain about the state of the world, but I'm not doing what I've been called to do, not really, not completely. And I know that He doesn't expect me to be a bible scholar or have all the answers, yet I hide behind my inadequacies. Do I really think that if I'm sharing His love, He won't give me the words to say? I don't know about most, but I'm more likely to listen to someone who is 'real' and has fears and doubts and stumbles just like me than the most perfect witness anyway.
I'm so afraid to 'offend' someone or to be 'persecuted' by my peers, I'm not sharing the wonderful and amazing message of the only One who will ever forgive AND forget, never doubt me, never lose my trust, NEVER ever not love me. And yet, I'm more about catering to everyone else. What am I waiting on? It's not like I'm ever going to get these two minutes back...or these, or those. Do I really need to commit to watching America's Got Talent? I may have worked hard today, but do I really need to relax for two hours? How many hours have been about finding my own contentment? What are my real priorities? If you think about it, I'm running out of time. I'm so worried about what the world thinks and what really matters is one day when I stand before Him, I might be hearing the words, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
It breaks my heart and it's something I'm going to be brave to change. Maybe I'll start with tiny pieces of scrap paper.
Verses to Ponder:
Luke 11:33 (The Message) No one, when he has lit a lamp, puts it in a secret place or under a basket, but on a lampstand, that those who come in may see the light.
Psalm 104:33 (NKJV) I will sing to the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have my being.
Aren't I supposed to be able to (and want to) engage in conversation about how to have a relationship with Christ, how to become saved, to be part of His eternity? I tell my kids that all the time, but when I'm faced with doing it, all my insecurities rush in. What if I don't know enough? What if I don't know the answer to their questions? What if I discourage, confuse or cause them to stumble...
In conversation with the other moms recently I overheard them talking about one of their sons going up to another girl in his class who happened to be Jewish. He told her that he was worried about her and he wanted to tell her about Jesus and didn't want her to spend eternity without Him (in Hell). The mom of the little girl was furious and told the teacher who talked with the son's mom, who told the son not to speak about it again at school, or to the girl about it again because it was their religion.
I was caught off guard. At first I thought, isn't he doing what we were called to do? But then I thought, what if it were my child? How would I respond? I know there's the whole church and school debate, but I'm confused as to why my kids can come home with papers describing Kwanzaa and Hanukkah, but discussing the birth of Christ is taboo. Or why Evolution, although a theory, is plastered throughout textbooks, but the alternate 'theory' of creation, is ignored. I'm not saying my kids should be alloted a time to stand on a soap box, but why so much effort to squelch it? Wouldn't it be considered an alternate view, something else to discuss about our diverse cultures? We can respect other's beliefs, but in denying Christian beliefs, hiding and condemning the kids for being open about their faith, even if it's just praying to themselves (my nephew got in trouble for praying over his PB&J at lunch and was called to the office), isn't that disrespecting to Christians? Muslims can leave class to pray several times a day, and schools here still serve just fish on Fridays to those who must eat it alone to respect their beliefs...
Don't get me wrong, I am all for respecting other's beliefs, but to what end? Where do our responsibilities of Christians fit in? I don't believe in standing on a street corner with a bullhorn and telling the general masses they are damned if they don't convert. But I do think that we are supposed to look for and pray for opportunities to share. Why are we so afraid?
I heard about a little boy that visited our church from Russia (I think) recently. Where he lived previously he wasn't allowed to share the message of Christ, the love, hope, faith, forgiveness, grace, mercy and salvation. Did he stop? This little boy spent every waking moment secretly loving and sharing with those around him who didn't know Christ. He began conversations with strangers with simple witnessing questions written on tiny scraps of paper. He faced persecution of sorts with the laws of where he lived and even as a small child, was brave and persistent. When he came here to the church, he was still passing out small papers even though he was now free to share about the God he loved so much, who first loved him.
We're free to share, to love, to not hide and yet we do...I do. I complain about the state of the world, but I'm not doing what I've been called to do, not really, not completely. And I know that He doesn't expect me to be a bible scholar or have all the answers, yet I hide behind my inadequacies. Do I really think that if I'm sharing His love, He won't give me the words to say? I don't know about most, but I'm more likely to listen to someone who is 'real' and has fears and doubts and stumbles just like me than the most perfect witness anyway.
I'm so afraid to 'offend' someone or to be 'persecuted' by my peers, I'm not sharing the wonderful and amazing message of the only One who will ever forgive AND forget, never doubt me, never lose my trust, NEVER ever not love me. And yet, I'm more about catering to everyone else. What am I waiting on? It's not like I'm ever going to get these two minutes back...or these, or those. Do I really need to commit to watching America's Got Talent? I may have worked hard today, but do I really need to relax for two hours? How many hours have been about finding my own contentment? What are my real priorities? If you think about it, I'm running out of time. I'm so worried about what the world thinks and what really matters is one day when I stand before Him, I might be hearing the words, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
It breaks my heart and it's something I'm going to be brave to change. Maybe I'll start with tiny pieces of scrap paper.
Verses to Ponder:
Luke 11:33 (The Message) No one, when he has lit a lamp, puts it in a secret place or under a basket, but on a lampstand, that those who come in may see the light.
Psalm 104:33 (NKJV) I will sing to the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have my being.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
DUDE 50 POSTS!!!
So I saw on my front page today that yesterday I hit 50 posts!! Wow...who knew I'd have so much to say...:)
Here's.......Zachory!
Enjoy!
Here's.......Zachory!
Enjoy!
Monday, June 16, 2008
"Rehab is for quitters"
K, so I don't really believe that. I just heard it this weekend out of some of my husband's family's friends. Of course, I've been to a sort of 'rehab' a couple of times in my life and although at times it was scary, it was definitely necessary.
But on the topic of quitting, I've been going back and forth lately. I'm not usually a 'quitter', I'm more of the 'check-it-off-the-to-do-list' kinda gal, which means if I start something I finish it or do as much possible, even if it means overworking myself in the process.
Thursday we went swimming at some friend's house, just me and the kids. My son accidentally dropped (aka..'threw') his pool sticks into their deep end, which was about a 100 feet deep (not really, but it felt like it). I thought I could totally dive and get the 5 sticks. It took me ten minutes. It was so difficult for me to get my body down to the bottom, and then to hold my breath for any length of time to snatch the sticks. About half way through my numerous dives I wanted to quit, the whole pack of sticks didn't cost that much. I am way out of shape and practice. But every time I came up for air my son was cheering me on saying how 'cool' I was that I could dive like that, so I pressed on.
Again, with VBS this week. It is my first time to volunteer and I went in thinking "i got this", and left the first meeting wanting to just run away. Even this morning having to wake up 2 hours early with the kids and prep the rest of the room and figure out where to go and keep up with the kids (estimated 1700 in attendance) for my room, about half way through I was seriously dreaming up reasons, and making up some too, in my head to opt out for the rest of the week. But, I'm going to stick with it.
Then there's working out. I'm going to camp which is going to have wake boarding, hiking, ropes course, para sailing, etc. and I know how out of shape I am (I get winded just walking around the block!) so I thought I'd start up a regular work out routine. I started TIVOing some shows of the fitness channel, and I even watched one - from the comfort of my bed with my bowl of ice cream. I did weights too, 8 lbs. in each hand for .....8 minutes. (I'm telling you...if you ever want time to slow down, start lifting weights.) Yeah, I only did it once and haven't picked them up since.
I know these instances seem very trivial, but there are so many other more significant circumstances where I am faced with the option or the urge to quit. And it takes a lot more than willpower to stay in the game most times.
I know it's easier to quit, and it makes me challenge myself. I tell my kids all the time that anything worth doing is going to involve effort and perseverance. I can't tell you how many times I've walked away with the gut wrenching feeling that if I had only held on longer, I could have known I couldn't have done any more. I tell them you can't ever fail if you don't quit.
There's this thing I hear on the radio from time to time and it's called "taking a minute", a one-minute lesson...click on the link to hear about the one called "Developing Perseverance".
Verses to Ponder: James 1:5-18 (The Message)
But on the topic of quitting, I've been going back and forth lately. I'm not usually a 'quitter', I'm more of the 'check-it-off-the-to-do-list' kinda gal, which means if I start something I finish it or do as much possible, even if it means overworking myself in the process.
Thursday we went swimming at some friend's house, just me and the kids. My son accidentally dropped (aka..'threw') his pool sticks into their deep end, which was about a 100 feet deep (not really, but it felt like it). I thought I could totally dive and get the 5 sticks. It took me ten minutes. It was so difficult for me to get my body down to the bottom, and then to hold my breath for any length of time to snatch the sticks. About half way through my numerous dives I wanted to quit, the whole pack of sticks didn't cost that much. I am way out of shape and practice. But every time I came up for air my son was cheering me on saying how 'cool' I was that I could dive like that, so I pressed on.
Again, with VBS this week. It is my first time to volunteer and I went in thinking "i got this", and left the first meeting wanting to just run away. Even this morning having to wake up 2 hours early with the kids and prep the rest of the room and figure out where to go and keep up with the kids (estimated 1700 in attendance) for my room, about half way through I was seriously dreaming up reasons, and making up some too, in my head to opt out for the rest of the week. But, I'm going to stick with it.
Then there's working out. I'm going to camp which is going to have wake boarding, hiking, ropes course, para sailing, etc. and I know how out of shape I am (I get winded just walking around the block!) so I thought I'd start up a regular work out routine. I started TIVOing some shows of the fitness channel, and I even watched one - from the comfort of my bed with my bowl of ice cream. I did weights too, 8 lbs. in each hand for .....8 minutes. (I'm telling you...if you ever want time to slow down, start lifting weights.) Yeah, I only did it once and haven't picked them up since.
I know these instances seem very trivial, but there are so many other more significant circumstances where I am faced with the option or the urge to quit. And it takes a lot more than willpower to stay in the game most times.
I know it's easier to quit, and it makes me challenge myself. I tell my kids all the time that anything worth doing is going to involve effort and perseverance. I can't tell you how many times I've walked away with the gut wrenching feeling that if I had only held on longer, I could have known I couldn't have done any more. I tell them you can't ever fail if you don't quit.
There's this thing I hear on the radio from time to time and it's called "taking a minute", a one-minute lesson...click on the link to hear about the one called "Developing Perseverance".
Developing Perseverance
I am always encouraged by those around me that offer support and tell me not to quit. But I know it's not always the case. I know now that asking for help doesn't make me weak. I also know there are things I may be dealing with that I just don't let anyone know about. I know that turning my eyes on Him and holding my trust in Him, I can figure it out and make it through. For me, NOT quitting, although at times is harder, makes me feel more accomplished and like I at least tried and gave it my all with no regrets.
Verses to Ponder: James 1:5-18 (The Message)
If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.
When down-and-outers get a break, cheer! And when the arrogant rich are brought down to size, cheer! Prosperity is as short-lived as a wildflower, so don't ever count on it. You know that as soon as the sun rises, pouring down its scorching heat, the flower withers. Its petals wilt and, before you know it, that beautiful face is a barren stem. Well, that's a picture of the "prosperous life." At the very moment everyone is looking on in admiration, it fades away to nothing.
Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.
Don't let anyone under pressure to give in to evil say, "God is trying to trip me up." God is impervious to evil, and puts evil in no one's way. The temptation to give in to evil comes from us and only us. We have no one to blame but the leering, seducing flare-up of our own lust. Lust gets pregnant, and has a baby: sin! Sin grows up to adulthood, and becomes a real killer.
So, my very dear friends, don't get thrown off course. Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. There is nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle. He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
not even with an intertube, floaties and just 2 ft. of water...
Last summer, my daughter was not afraid of the water. In fact, we had to pretty much tie a rope around her to keep her from jumping off the boat. She doesn't know how to swim, and she was fearless. I was afraid for her because of her lack of caution.
This summer, it's different. Ok, different is an understatement, it's like she's a completely other kid. She is SO petrified of the water that she clings to me where I can't breathe. She won't attempt to do anything even close to learning how to swim, won't try new floaties or trust that I won't let anything happen to her.
Today, we went to some friend's house to swim. She was the next to oldest there out of 9 kids and was SCREAMING at the top of her lungs when I tried to coax her off of the first step.
Is this the same kid?
I caught myself saying to her, "You are fine!", "Just trust me", "Nothing is going to happen to you, I'm right here!", "Just trust that you are going to be okay, and try it!!"
I got SO frustrated with her to see that she had been so far beyond this point last summer and now was being circled by the three year olds without floaties or helping moms. I know it had to make her disheartened too.
Isn't this SO how I am with my relationship with God? He's shown me time and time again that He will protect me, provide for me, help me through any situation and at times my fear and doubt is so out of control, so irrational, just like my daughter's.
Ah, I learn so much about me through my kids!
We're going to keep trying with her, and I'm going to keep trying with Him until we get this right...
Verse to Ponder: II Timothy 1:7(NKJV)For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind.
PS> I'm now up to $550 saved toward my $650 goal for Younglife!!
This summer, it's different. Ok, different is an understatement, it's like she's a completely other kid. She is SO petrified of the water that she clings to me where I can't breathe. She won't attempt to do anything even close to learning how to swim, won't try new floaties or trust that I won't let anything happen to her.
Today, we went to some friend's house to swim. She was the next to oldest there out of 9 kids and was SCREAMING at the top of her lungs when I tried to coax her off of the first step.
Is this the same kid?
I caught myself saying to her, "You are fine!", "Just trust me", "Nothing is going to happen to you, I'm right here!", "Just trust that you are going to be okay, and try it!!"
I got SO frustrated with her to see that she had been so far beyond this point last summer and now was being circled by the three year olds without floaties or helping moms. I know it had to make her disheartened too.
Isn't this SO how I am with my relationship with God? He's shown me time and time again that He will protect me, provide for me, help me through any situation and at times my fear and doubt is so out of control, so irrational, just like my daughter's.
Ah, I learn so much about me through my kids!
We're going to keep trying with her, and I'm going to keep trying with Him until we get this right...
Verse to Ponder: II Timothy 1:7(NKJV)For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind.
PS> I'm now up to $550 saved toward my $650 goal for Younglife!!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Ch-ch-ch-changes...
Oh, how the view is different from here!
I am just flabbergasted at how much I have changed, just within the last decade. I remember when we first bought this house, how proud I was of it. Not that I’m not proud now, I just see how silly I used to be. Like when I was a child acting aloof while I held my new doll against the window in the car for passer-bys to see and appreciate my good fortune, I felt the same about my new big house.
Our first Christmas we were in need of a new Christmas tree. Our old ‘charlie-brown-esque’ tree just wasn’t going to cut it in these new 20 foot ceilings. My husband and I shopped all around for the biggest tree we could find and afford. I was so proud of that thing! We circled the store showing off our new gigantic tree for all those around us to admire. That first year we were so excited and prominently displayed the tree in the six windows on the back of our house. We took pictures of it, we even invited our friends to check it out. By the third year of an all-day event to lug the monstrosity out of the attic in several pieces and use a 10 foot ladder to set it up and decorate it, and even more hours finding the one light that no longer worked making the whole thing dark – we chose not to put it up anymore. We even busted out the old Charlie-brown tree. We made decorations with the kids and spent the day wrapping presents and eating food instead.
I also think about how when I was thirteen, after another smoggy gem from my dad, that he blamed on a mysterious elephant or frog under some chair somewhere, I looked at my mom with disgust and said, “How could you ever marry someone that farts like that!” She laughed and said, one day you will! I furiously denied that fact at the time. I was going to marry someone with a washboard stomach, no hair anywhere but where it was supposed to be, no flatulence, a big pocketbook and lots of romantic ideals. Who would have guessed that I would be completely smitten with a man after 12 years together, who let’s say, just doesn’t quite make the list of my 13 year old self? How is it that with all of his differences from that list, he's still the man of my dreams?
Then there’s the career vs. mommy debate. I’ve struggled with this more than anything. At times I felt like being ‘just a mom’ wasn’t enough. When my son was little I was on track to be the youngest executive in my company, making more than anyone I knew my age. After my daughter was born, I chose to stay home and even though I struggle with discontentment from time to time, or feeling incompetent as a mom, I know this is where I’m supposed to be right now. But in the future, things may change again.
It is a journey. At some spots things seem so important, at other times, they are just silly. We all grow, change, evolve and learn. I am SO thankful for that journey, and look forward to my next decade of changes and growth. I am now more open to change, more open to embrace the journey, even with all of it’s bumps and potholes!
Verse to Ponder: John 10:10 (CEV) I came so that everyone would have life, and have it in its fullest.
"Everything in life changes you in some way. Even the smallest things. If you do not accept these changes, you do not accept yourself. For through these changes brings new and greater things to you, making you wiser, as time progresses. To avoid these changes is a loss. You only live your life once. Do not waste a minute of it avoiding things. Let them come to you, and learn from them." - Adam R. Gwizdala
Our first Christmas we were in need of a new Christmas tree. Our old ‘charlie-brown-esque’ tree just wasn’t going to cut it in these new 20 foot ceilings. My husband and I shopped all around for the biggest tree we could find and afford. I was so proud of that thing! We circled the store showing off our new gigantic tree for all those around us to admire. That first year we were so excited and prominently displayed the tree in the six windows on the back of our house. We took pictures of it, we even invited our friends to check it out. By the third year of an all-day event to lug the monstrosity out of the attic in several pieces and use a 10 foot ladder to set it up and decorate it, and even more hours finding the one light that no longer worked making the whole thing dark – we chose not to put it up anymore. We even busted out the old Charlie-brown tree. We made decorations with the kids and spent the day wrapping presents and eating food instead.
I also think about how when I was thirteen, after another smoggy gem from my dad, that he blamed on a mysterious elephant or frog under some chair somewhere, I looked at my mom with disgust and said, “How could you ever marry someone that farts like that!” She laughed and said, one day you will! I furiously denied that fact at the time. I was going to marry someone with a washboard stomach, no hair anywhere but where it was supposed to be, no flatulence, a big pocketbook and lots of romantic ideals. Who would have guessed that I would be completely smitten with a man after 12 years together, who let’s say, just doesn’t quite make the list of my 13 year old self? How is it that with all of his differences from that list, he's still the man of my dreams?
Then there’s the career vs. mommy debate. I’ve struggled with this more than anything. At times I felt like being ‘just a mom’ wasn’t enough. When my son was little I was on track to be the youngest executive in my company, making more than anyone I knew my age. After my daughter was born, I chose to stay home and even though I struggle with discontentment from time to time, or feeling incompetent as a mom, I know this is where I’m supposed to be right now. But in the future, things may change again.
It is a journey. At some spots things seem so important, at other times, they are just silly. We all grow, change, evolve and learn. I am SO thankful for that journey, and look forward to my next decade of changes and growth. I am now more open to change, more open to embrace the journey, even with all of it’s bumps and potholes!
Verse to Ponder: John 10:10 (CEV) I came so that everyone would have life, and have it in its fullest.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Giants and cardboard
So this weekend at church the service was about giants. It was about how everyone has their own giants and that they can't wear other's armor to fight them. He referenced David and Goliath and how facing this giant was an even greater feat for him, the small unknown boy with just a sack of rocks. He talked about how he tried on the armor of the king, but it just swallowed him, so he went at it the way he felt he was led too and won.
I think it's so true. I know in my life I have struggles I deal with, things I have to make a conscious effort to deny, to avoid, get past and steer clear of. I know that for some that I know, their giants would be easy for me to face, and vice versa for them. For instance, I don't have an 'addictive' personality, meaning that I have tried many harmful things once, twice, or a handful of times and was able to walk away unscathed. However, one try for some would lead to a lifetime of addiction. For me, when I went through all the mental yuck, it was easy for some to tell me to 'just get over it'. And BELIEVE ME, if I could have just turned it off like that, I would have. But for them, it just seemed that easy. I also know about hanging on to your past. My husband seems to be able to forget and let go of anything hurtful from his past, things he's had the unfortunate place in, or things that he's done. But others I know seem to be 'stuck' in their past. They can't get by one day without feeling regret, remorse or like they don't have a chance (or even deserve) to move forward because of what happened yesterday.
My giants are MY giants, and their's are theirs.
At the same time, we can't use another person's armor to defend ourselves. Just because someone you know has more spiritual 'experience', or deeper relationship, you can't rely solely on them to 'fix' your struggle with your giants. At the same time, someone you know can't will you to 'be better' because of their life with Christ, or even simpler their ability to get past those giants in their lives. I have to strengthen MY relationship with Christ, I have to seek help to fight MY giants. And I can't feel guilty about those giants in my past. I can't feel guilty about my inability to successfully defeat them like those around me. I can't try to defeat these giants, just to please those around me, but because I am a work-in-progress and am totally worth it to Him. It's not about what they think, it's about what He knows. Because again, they are MY giants, not theirs.
I do believe that those giants can be overcome though. I know in the past I have been so quick to say, I can't do it, because I have been unable to up until that point. But in that mindset, I'm closing the door on God. I'm boxing Him up in a neat little package of MY understanding. I'm limiting what can be done because of what I feel can be done by ME. But I'm not alone. It's not just me. These giants will not win, they cannot win, and I have to have the faith to hold on to that, to believe in that, to not forget that the next time one of my giants knocks on my door. I can do EVERYTHING through Christ that strengthens me. I have to build up my armor to have that strength.
A friend sent this my way and I thought it worked SO well with what I've been thinking about lately, about our giants and about how through strengthening our armor (having a deeper relationship with Christ, learning, questioning, seeking...) we can overcome.
Verse to Ponder: Philipians 4:13 (NKJV) I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me.
I think it's so true. I know in my life I have struggles I deal with, things I have to make a conscious effort to deny, to avoid, get past and steer clear of. I know that for some that I know, their giants would be easy for me to face, and vice versa for them. For instance, I don't have an 'addictive' personality, meaning that I have tried many harmful things once, twice, or a handful of times and was able to walk away unscathed. However, one try for some would lead to a lifetime of addiction. For me, when I went through all the mental yuck, it was easy for some to tell me to 'just get over it'. And BELIEVE ME, if I could have just turned it off like that, I would have. But for them, it just seemed that easy. I also know about hanging on to your past. My husband seems to be able to forget and let go of anything hurtful from his past, things he's had the unfortunate place in, or things that he's done. But others I know seem to be 'stuck' in their past. They can't get by one day without feeling regret, remorse or like they don't have a chance (or even deserve) to move forward because of what happened yesterday.
My giants are MY giants, and their's are theirs.
At the same time, we can't use another person's armor to defend ourselves. Just because someone you know has more spiritual 'experience', or deeper relationship, you can't rely solely on them to 'fix' your struggle with your giants. At the same time, someone you know can't will you to 'be better' because of their life with Christ, or even simpler their ability to get past those giants in their lives. I have to strengthen MY relationship with Christ, I have to seek help to fight MY giants. And I can't feel guilty about those giants in my past. I can't feel guilty about my inability to successfully defeat them like those around me. I can't try to defeat these giants, just to please those around me, but because I am a work-in-progress and am totally worth it to Him. It's not about what they think, it's about what He knows. Because again, they are MY giants, not theirs.
I do believe that those giants can be overcome though. I know in the past I have been so quick to say, I can't do it, because I have been unable to up until that point. But in that mindset, I'm closing the door on God. I'm boxing Him up in a neat little package of MY understanding. I'm limiting what can be done because of what I feel can be done by ME. But I'm not alone. It's not just me. These giants will not win, they cannot win, and I have to have the faith to hold on to that, to believe in that, to not forget that the next time one of my giants knocks on my door. I can do EVERYTHING through Christ that strengthens me. I have to build up my armor to have that strength.
A friend sent this my way and I thought it worked SO well with what I've been thinking about lately, about our giants and about how through strengthening our armor (having a deeper relationship with Christ, learning, questioning, seeking...) we can overcome.
Verse to Ponder: Philipians 4:13 (NKJV) I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Fragile
Lately I've been acutely aware of how fragile life really is. I was thinking about it last night after we went to visit my husband's cousin (who is still in a coma) in the hospital. Most of the ride home we were silent.
I just thought about how when I was younger I was so careless, I did SO many things out of my pain, my circumstances and what was made available to me, my naivety...SO many things that put me in situations that could have ended my stay here. Then of course, there were the times I actually set out to make that happen, and yet, by the grace of God, I survived. But how, why? Why was I spared, how did I escape? I also thought about how easy it was to do these things, to be part of these situations, because all I was thinking of was myself. Even from the beginning of my marriage (will be 10 years this year) to now, how much more cautious I feel when my husband leaves (like he just did to go on a lake trip with 5th graders), when I'm in the car driving or riding, when my kids are away. I think before I felt that I didn't have anything to live for, actually I felt like I'd be doing a service by leaving to those around me who wouldn't have to be burdened by me anymore. That thought now breaks my heart. Finding a relationship with God has given value to my life.
I stayed by my cousin-in-law's side last night and watched him as he laid there looking so peaceful, looking like if I spoke too loud he would just wake up. In reality, after speaking to the nurse, it isn't the case. His brain has to 're-map', build new connections...it could be a month, it could be five years. And when he wakes up, if he wakes up needing just rehab, then he will be faced with the death of his mother. It was just a crazy accident, a freak random event that has taken two happy healthy people and turned the lives of those close to them upside down.
I know I've always heard that if it's 'your time', it could happen anywhere, at any time. But that doesn't keep me from feeling any less cautious. I know in my heart if something like this happened to my immediate family, my husband, my child, that it would 'be for a reason', even if I don't comprehend it. If my family were to move on, that they are saved and would be in a better place, but that doesn't make my human heart carry concern any less. I can't picture myself in the place of my husband's uncle. I can't breathe when I think about it.
I just want to keep my family in a bubble. I want my husband to go be with the 5th graders, but at the same time I don't want him too, because it's been really windy lately and there's a chance of rain while he's on the lake, distracted by kids. I want my son to go to summer camps, but then I don't because I don't want him to get injured or worse because he can't swim well. I want my mom to go to her work conference in just a few weeks because it is a great opportunity for her in her job, but I don't because she'll be flying and will essentially be alone in a big city.
I struggle to get past this aching inside that has been awakened by this past few week's events. I now have something to live for, to care about and I can't get past feeling like we are all just so very fragile.
I've been reading my bible and looking for strength. I know prayer works, I'm proof. I know the bible says not to worry; I'm doing my best. I know I am loved by God who understands and controls everything. I will do my best to 'Let go and Let God'.
Verse to Ponder: Matthew 6:34 (The Message) "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
I just thought about how when I was younger I was so careless, I did SO many things out of my pain, my circumstances and what was made available to me, my naivety...SO many things that put me in situations that could have ended my stay here. Then of course, there were the times I actually set out to make that happen, and yet, by the grace of God, I survived. But how, why? Why was I spared, how did I escape? I also thought about how easy it was to do these things, to be part of these situations, because all I was thinking of was myself. Even from the beginning of my marriage (will be 10 years this year) to now, how much more cautious I feel when my husband leaves (like he just did to go on a lake trip with 5th graders), when I'm in the car driving or riding, when my kids are away. I think before I felt that I didn't have anything to live for, actually I felt like I'd be doing a service by leaving to those around me who wouldn't have to be burdened by me anymore. That thought now breaks my heart. Finding a relationship with God has given value to my life.
I stayed by my cousin-in-law's side last night and watched him as he laid there looking so peaceful, looking like if I spoke too loud he would just wake up. In reality, after speaking to the nurse, it isn't the case. His brain has to 're-map', build new connections...it could be a month, it could be five years. And when he wakes up, if he wakes up needing just rehab, then he will be faced with the death of his mother. It was just a crazy accident, a freak random event that has taken two happy healthy people and turned the lives of those close to them upside down.
I know I've always heard that if it's 'your time', it could happen anywhere, at any time. But that doesn't keep me from feeling any less cautious. I know in my heart if something like this happened to my immediate family, my husband, my child, that it would 'be for a reason', even if I don't comprehend it. If my family were to move on, that they are saved and would be in a better place, but that doesn't make my human heart carry concern any less. I can't picture myself in the place of my husband's uncle. I can't breathe when I think about it.
I just want to keep my family in a bubble. I want my husband to go be with the 5th graders, but at the same time I don't want him too, because it's been really windy lately and there's a chance of rain while he's on the lake, distracted by kids. I want my son to go to summer camps, but then I don't because I don't want him to get injured or worse because he can't swim well. I want my mom to go to her work conference in just a few weeks because it is a great opportunity for her in her job, but I don't because she'll be flying and will essentially be alone in a big city.
I struggle to get past this aching inside that has been awakened by this past few week's events. I now have something to live for, to care about and I can't get past feeling like we are all just so very fragile.
I've been reading my bible and looking for strength. I know prayer works, I'm proof. I know the bible says not to worry; I'm doing my best. I know I am loved by God who understands and controls everything. I will do my best to 'Let go and Let God'.
Verse to Ponder: Matthew 6:34 (The Message) "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
Thursday, June 5, 2008
3rd grade - check!
Well, my son has passed 3rd grade as of today. He was awarded in front of his grade an award for most improvement. He also got one of his articles published in his class newspaper! I am so proud!
My husband is preparing to go to help with the 5th grade lake trip for our church this weekend. My son really wants to go, but he isn't a proficient swimmer.
He also wants badly to be part of young life's camp trip.
But he will be able to be part of VBS with me (I'm leading crafts - AH! Scary...) soon. I was just thinking today how things have been steadily changing, and how many opportunities we now have as a family to serve, and to be part of something great as an example for the kids...i.e. younglife, VBS and 5th grade trips. It's fun, and it just feels right.
Verse to Ponder: Romans 12:10, 11, 13 (NKJV) Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.
My husband is preparing to go to help with the 5th grade lake trip for our church this weekend. My son really wants to go, but he isn't a proficient swimmer.
He also wants badly to be part of young life's camp trip.
But he will be able to be part of VBS with me (I'm leading crafts - AH! Scary...) soon. I was just thinking today how things have been steadily changing, and how many opportunities we now have as a family to serve, and to be part of something great as an example for the kids...i.e. younglife, VBS and 5th grade trips. It's fun, and it just feels right.
Verse to Ponder: Romans 12:10, 11, 13 (NKJV) Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Updates...
My mother in law emailed everyone about the status of my husband's cousin, who is currently in a coma at Baylor. Here is part of her updates...
"Here's the latest I know regarding [my husband's cousin]. When the accident happened last Tues, it was raining hard all day. [my husband's aunt and cousin] were coming home from downtown. [She] was traveling along beside a huge 18-wheeler and she hit a "slick spot" in the road and hydroplaned in front of the 18-wheeler. The truck hit her car broadside (T-boned) on the driver's side. I don't know how fast they were going at the time; but, it completely caved in the driver's side of the car and killed [my husband's aunt] instantly...Thank you for all of your prayers.
[my husband's cousin] C-1 (right at the neck) vertebrae was severely damaged while being knocked around during the accident...He developed "Noxess" which is not getting enough oxygen to the brain when he passed out from shock. He was rushed to Big Baylor...The accident happened around 2pm on Tuesday afternoon. They (doctors) determined that he also has "Shearing" which means the same thing as when someone shakes a baby too hard and the brain hits up against the skull causing bruising and damage. The Shearing combined with the Noxess and damaged C1 vertebrae is his diagnosis...
He is now moving his arms and legs and feet and responding to touch in some areas. He's now warm tot he touch and his tongue is moving. The swelling is almost gone in both eyes. He doesn't have any injuries from the neck down. The doctors say his damage will be in "one of the 3rds" level. The 1st third being that he only has surface shearing which didn't go too deep and when he wakes up he will be mostly back to the status he was before the accident and will have to have some therapy. The 2nd third being that he has deeper shearing and when he wakes up he may not be at the intelligence he was before the accident and will hae to have a lot of therapy to bring him back to the status he was before the accident. The 3rd third level being that when he wakes up, if he does, he will be close to 'brain dead' and be doubtful if therapy will work at all. The doctors placed a "shunt" on the top of this head to relieve any fluid buildup. However, there was very little - which is a good thing. His temperature hasn't gone above 101, which is also good. His left eye has tried to come open at some points. The doctors have backed down the breathing machine some, since he is trying to breathe on his own. He has an arterial IV that goes straight into his heart so they can get exact readings. He is being fed through a tube and has a catheter.
He was to graduate 5/31. His school principal took his diploma to the hospital last weekend.
His family and over 80 friends have visited him. His oldest sister has never left his side. His aunt's are taking care of the family's finances and insurance issues. His dad' and mom's co-workers and bosses have set up a savings account for him and for his new 4 month old sister."
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Faithful
I am still shocked by how faithful He is! I know, it's stupid how I doubt.
I've been praying for three major things lately: 1) that my husband's cousin would get some good news, 2) that my sister would be able to find another job quickly and 3) that would I be able to find a way to go to camp.
Here is what has happened, just yesterday...
1) My husband's cousin (the one in the serious car wreck) has gotten good results of the pressure tests in his brain, and not only do they feel that he will wake up, but they think it will be soon. He's also now miraculously able to breathe part of the time on his own, as they are beginning to wean him off his breathing machine. Just two days ago they thought he would never wake up!
2) My sister began looking for work, and already a temporary agency put her on assignment. What she didn't know, and what the agency didn't realize is that the assignment was for a company that she worked with for several years in Forney. This company she got an assignment for is a branch of that previous company with a position open where she is now living in Tyler! I'm hoping this "strange coincidence" means that she may be able to stay on long term.
3) I GET TO GO TO CAMP!!! My husband emailed his boss asking again about the week of camp, and with several others on his crew already asking off that week, and with his seniority, I wasn't expecting much. But he just got it approved!!
God is awesome!! After hearing all of this yesterday, I have no other way to describe it, I just felt loved. I felt like He was giving me a big hug. :)
Now, I just need to raise the rest of money for the child in need. I have a name now for a child in need that I can pray for specifically and give the money too. I just need $134 to provide a way for her to camp.
Verse to ponder: Psalm 37:4 (NKJV) Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
I've been praying for three major things lately: 1) that my husband's cousin would get some good news, 2) that my sister would be able to find another job quickly and 3) that would I be able to find a way to go to camp.
Here is what has happened, just yesterday...
1) My husband's cousin (the one in the serious car wreck) has gotten good results of the pressure tests in his brain, and not only do they feel that he will wake up, but they think it will be soon. He's also now miraculously able to breathe part of the time on his own, as they are beginning to wean him off his breathing machine. Just two days ago they thought he would never wake up!
2) My sister began looking for work, and already a temporary agency put her on assignment. What she didn't know, and what the agency didn't realize is that the assignment was for a company that she worked with for several years in Forney. This company she got an assignment for is a branch of that previous company with a position open where she is now living in Tyler! I'm hoping this "strange coincidence" means that she may be able to stay on long term.
3) I GET TO GO TO CAMP!!! My husband emailed his boss asking again about the week of camp, and with several others on his crew already asking off that week, and with his seniority, I wasn't expecting much. But he just got it approved!!
God is awesome!! After hearing all of this yesterday, I have no other way to describe it, I just felt loved. I felt like He was giving me a big hug. :)
Now, I just need to raise the rest of money for the child in need. I have a name now for a child in need that I can pray for specifically and give the money too. I just need $134 to provide a way for her to camp.
Verse to ponder: Psalm 37:4 (NKJV) Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Strange Day
Saturday was a strange day.
My husband and I went to his aunt's funeral. The service was lovely and there were over a hundred people there. We went to the graveside and finally saw his aunt's new baby afterward. We drove straight from there to my son's birthday party. The party was simple, and not many attended, but he told me this morning that he had a great time. After that we headed straight to a Young Life leader BBQ and talked about our roles in transforming the lives of teens in the Allen area.
It just felt weird, the range of emotions of this day were exhausting. We mourned a death, celebrated a birth and came together to change lives of Allen youth. I am still trying to find a way to go to camp, they spoke about it in front of everyone at the BBQ, that they needed me and wanted everyone to pray for a way for me to go. At the funeral we found out that Dusty's cousin got good news from the hospital. He's still in a coma, but after tests, they have found that there is no pressure or damage (that they can find at while he's unconscious) to his brain that should keep him from waking. They expect him to wake up any day, then they will see what if any brain damage he has. His family went to his graduation Friday night in his place and they were telling us about how supportive everyone was and that even though he was absent, they still called his name and took time to honor him.
The pastor at the funeral recited a poem that I liked...
GOD IS NEVER BEYOND OUR REACH by Helen Steiner Rice
No one ever sought the Father
And found He was not there
And no burden is too heavy
To be lightened by a prayer,
No problem is too intricate
And no sorrow that we face
Is too deep and devastating
To be softened by His grace,
No trials and tribulations
Are beyond what we can bear
If we share them with Our Father
As we talk to Him in prayer -
And men of every color,
Every race and every creed
Have but to seek the Father
In their deepest hour of need-
God asks for no credentials,
He accepts us with our flaws,
He is kind and understanding
And He welcomes us because
We are His erring children
And He loves us everyone,
And He freely and completely
Forgives all that we have done,
Asking only if we're ready
To follow where He leads -
Content that in His wisdom
He will answer all our needs.
Verse to Ponder: Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message) "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
My husband and I went to his aunt's funeral. The service was lovely and there were over a hundred people there. We went to the graveside and finally saw his aunt's new baby afterward. We drove straight from there to my son's birthday party. The party was simple, and not many attended, but he told me this morning that he had a great time. After that we headed straight to a Young Life leader BBQ and talked about our roles in transforming the lives of teens in the Allen area.
It just felt weird, the range of emotions of this day were exhausting. We mourned a death, celebrated a birth and came together to change lives of Allen youth. I am still trying to find a way to go to camp, they spoke about it in front of everyone at the BBQ, that they needed me and wanted everyone to pray for a way for me to go. At the funeral we found out that Dusty's cousin got good news from the hospital. He's still in a coma, but after tests, they have found that there is no pressure or damage (that they can find at while he's unconscious) to his brain that should keep him from waking. They expect him to wake up any day, then they will see what if any brain damage he has. His family went to his graduation Friday night in his place and they were telling us about how supportive everyone was and that even though he was absent, they still called his name and took time to honor him.
The pastor at the funeral recited a poem that I liked...
GOD IS NEVER BEYOND OUR REACH by Helen Steiner Rice
No one ever sought the Father
And found He was not there
And no burden is too heavy
To be lightened by a prayer,
No problem is too intricate
And no sorrow that we face
Is too deep and devastating
To be softened by His grace,
No trials and tribulations
Are beyond what we can bear
If we share them with Our Father
As we talk to Him in prayer -
And men of every color,
Every race and every creed
Have but to seek the Father
In their deepest hour of need-
God asks for no credentials,
He accepts us with our flaws,
He is kind and understanding
And He welcomes us because
We are His erring children
And He loves us everyone,
And He freely and completely
Forgives all that we have done,
Asking only if we're ready
To follow where He leads -
Content that in His wisdom
He will answer all our needs.
Verse to Ponder: Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message) "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
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