so I have bad luck with phones. Two phones ago I forgot it in my back pocket and didn't recall my error until the second cycle of the wash. The last phone I owned I believe had emotional issues. It would set off alarms at random times that I couldn't turn off and that weren't programed. It would tell me over and over that I had voicemail when in fact I didn't. And then the back just broke. It would turn itself off and on again and again because the battery no longer fit properly. So I taped it shut. With yellow and black caution tape! But regardless of the teasing I received from friends, family and coworkers, it did, on most occasions, do what I asked. And after all I never used all those other needless and frivilous programs of other phones. I just needed to send and receive calls. That's it. Or so I thought.
Until my husband surprised me with this new iPhone as part of my anniversary gift. He called me before I left to take my daughter to gymnastics on Tuesday and asked what we were eating for dinner. I told him I would call him after I left because I was running late. For the next hour I tried to use my phone but couldn't. It wouldn't let me dial out (something it had done in the past), and turning it off and on and plugging it in (my usual tricks) didn't work. I just knew my husband would be worrried not knowing where I was. I got home and told him about my frustration and he said he would look at it. He picked up the home phone to dial my number and I heard ringing from beside the sink! It was my new phone!
Now I as I type this-on the new phone- I don't know how I ever lived without it. It is genious!
So you know I always over think things, but we are going skiing for our anniversary on Thanksgiving to Keystone. Although I am super excited I can't help but be anxious to be away from my kids that long, and they will be on the road to and from Austin during the busy holiday traffic and I will be on two planes to and from CO. I haven't flown since 9-11. I just keep praying that we will all enjoy our trips and will return safely. But I am still nervous. I can't imagine my life without my kids and I would hate for them to have to live without us. So please pray for our safe travels.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Restoration
Choose "Beautiful" from the music list to the left, then continue reading...
This is what it means to be restored. Granted, I am still a work in progress, but I know sitting here now in this moment that I am what He promised I would be.
I guess I didn't understand just how screwed up I really was. Up until as recent as a few months ago, I still felt damaged. I felt like I wasn't able to be fixed. Even though I had grown up, gotten past a lot, I still felt the all consuming anger of rage, frustration, guilt of not being able to, or not wanting to forgive and just what that meant. I felt trapped by these thoughts of doubt, fear and anger keeping myself in a perpetual state of 'victim', even though being labeled that made me angry in itself. I could remember like it was yesterday begging God to take me home, and feeling completely hopeless to the point of justifying my acts of attempted suicide, self medication and self inflicted injury. I remember wanting to die all over again when I lost the child. I blamed myself. I never knew, but had I not tried so hard to end my life, I wouldn't have ended my child's in the process. I was unforgivable. I remember not being able to trust to the point of not letting ANYONE close. Judging people before I met them, that they too would find a way to use, manipulate and hurt me. I remember thinking all I ever saw anywhere and anytime was pain and anguish and because of that, I didn't think anything was worth it. I remember hiding away in my room, finding ways to isolate, to disconnect, to hide because I was broken and didn't have anything left to give, and what ever I did have left I was just certain would be taken from me again, used selfishly and then thrown back in my face as I would surely be mocked and betrayed again and again and again. If not, if they really knew me, they'd be disappointed or even disgusted as so many had been, or I at least thought they had been.
I remember begging God for reasons, blaming him, with fists in rage for all that I had gone through. I remember thinking surely I had disappointed everyone I had ever known, even my children and my husband because I was so destroyed that I couldn't possibly be worth anything to them either, and in fact was probably messing them up too. I remember feeling like a burden. I remember feeling like I could never forgive myself.
I sit here now, in tears. But these are fresh ones. These are tears of resolve, of joy, of the newness that has come through the ongoing restoration given me by the One that promised He would. I have been picked up, dusted off, cleaned up and polished. I have been cradled, tears wiped from my face, lifted up and set free. I have been understood, accepted, cherished and refreshed. The blinders have been taken off; the evil-filled glasses I once wore, removed. I am no longer damaged, because my King has already taken all that on for me. He cries with me, he carries me when I've given up and opted for my space in the dark quiet floor in the corners of my isolation. I AM FORGIVEN. He is my redeemer; He has started me fresh. He has accepted my flaws, my fears, my rage, my anger, my mistakes, my mistrust, my selfishness, my doubt, my guilt, all of what I mistakenly thought was my identity and loved me in a way I could never imagine. Because of this He has brought out my hope, my peace, my trust, my forgiveness, my will, my freedom, my confidence, my sweet celebration of all things that are worth living for, everything that he died for, and made me beautiful and new.
I watched this past weekend as teens in YL told their testimonies at our Banquet. I saw in so many faces and heard in so many voices exactly what I had felt for so, so, so long. And it clicked. I wasn't ever alone, I just chose to sink down into myself even though he was there fighting for me, waiting for me, crying for me to draw close to him, to return to him. And now, I have and I'm beginning again on the other side. I know it will take the rest of my life to really feel like all of this is behind me, but I'm so thankful for that, so grateful, because during that process I can only know him more, fall in love with him more and share everyday with everyone what He's done for me.
Verses to Ponder: Psalm 18:1-6, 16-20, 28-30, 46-49 (NIV) I love you, O LORD, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.
This is what it means to be restored. Granted, I am still a work in progress, but I know sitting here now in this moment that I am what He promised I would be.
I guess I didn't understand just how screwed up I really was. Up until as recent as a few months ago, I still felt damaged. I felt like I wasn't able to be fixed. Even though I had grown up, gotten past a lot, I still felt the all consuming anger of rage, frustration, guilt of not being able to, or not wanting to forgive and just what that meant. I felt trapped by these thoughts of doubt, fear and anger keeping myself in a perpetual state of 'victim', even though being labeled that made me angry in itself. I could remember like it was yesterday begging God to take me home, and feeling completely hopeless to the point of justifying my acts of attempted suicide, self medication and self inflicted injury. I remember wanting to die all over again when I lost the child. I blamed myself. I never knew, but had I not tried so hard to end my life, I wouldn't have ended my child's in the process. I was unforgivable. I remember not being able to trust to the point of not letting ANYONE close. Judging people before I met them, that they too would find a way to use, manipulate and hurt me. I remember thinking all I ever saw anywhere and anytime was pain and anguish and because of that, I didn't think anything was worth it. I remember hiding away in my room, finding ways to isolate, to disconnect, to hide because I was broken and didn't have anything left to give, and what ever I did have left I was just certain would be taken from me again, used selfishly and then thrown back in my face as I would surely be mocked and betrayed again and again and again. If not, if they really knew me, they'd be disappointed or even disgusted as so many had been, or I at least thought they had been.
I remember begging God for reasons, blaming him, with fists in rage for all that I had gone through. I remember thinking surely I had disappointed everyone I had ever known, even my children and my husband because I was so destroyed that I couldn't possibly be worth anything to them either, and in fact was probably messing them up too. I remember feeling like a burden. I remember feeling like I could never forgive myself.
I sit here now, in tears. But these are fresh ones. These are tears of resolve, of joy, of the newness that has come through the ongoing restoration given me by the One that promised He would. I have been picked up, dusted off, cleaned up and polished. I have been cradled, tears wiped from my face, lifted up and set free. I have been understood, accepted, cherished and refreshed. The blinders have been taken off; the evil-filled glasses I once wore, removed. I am no longer damaged, because my King has already taken all that on for me. He cries with me, he carries me when I've given up and opted for my space in the dark quiet floor in the corners of my isolation. I AM FORGIVEN. He is my redeemer; He has started me fresh. He has accepted my flaws, my fears, my rage, my anger, my mistakes, my mistrust, my selfishness, my doubt, my guilt, all of what I mistakenly thought was my identity and loved me in a way I could never imagine. Because of this He has brought out my hope, my peace, my trust, my forgiveness, my will, my freedom, my confidence, my sweet celebration of all things that are worth living for, everything that he died for, and made me beautiful and new.
I watched this past weekend as teens in YL told their testimonies at our Banquet. I saw in so many faces and heard in so many voices exactly what I had felt for so, so, so long. And it clicked. I wasn't ever alone, I just chose to sink down into myself even though he was there fighting for me, waiting for me, crying for me to draw close to him, to return to him. And now, I have and I'm beginning again on the other side. I know it will take the rest of my life to really feel like all of this is behind me, but I'm so thankful for that, so grateful, because during that process I can only know him more, fall in love with him more and share everyday with everyone what He's done for me.
Verses to Ponder: Psalm 18:1-6, 16-20, 28-30, 46-49 (NIV) I love you, O LORD, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.
He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. The LORD has dealt with me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me.
You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall. As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.
The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock! Exalted be God my Savior! He is the God who avenges me, who subdues nations under me, who saves me from my enemies. You exalted me above my foes; from violent men you rescued me. Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O LORD; I will sing praises to your name.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Note from David Letterman
Yeah, so I have no idea the validity of this, but regardless of who wrote it, it's good.
Written by David Letterman:
" As most of you know I am not a fan of President Bush, nor have I ever been, but this is not about Bush, it is about us, as Americans, and it seems to hit the mark.' The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some Poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true given the source, right? The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President.
In essence 2/3 of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change. So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, 'What are we so unhappy about?''
A. Is it that we have electricity and runningwater 24 hours a day, 7 Days a week?
B. Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?
C. Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?
D. Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at anytime and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?
E. Maybe it is the ability to drive our cars and trucks from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state?
F. Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?
G. I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough either.
H. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.
I. Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home.
J. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use topnotch equipment to extinguish the flames, thus saving you, your family,and your belongings.
K. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or a prowler intrudes, and an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.
L. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90% of teenagers own cell phones and computers.
M. How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?
Maybe that is what has 67% of you folks so unhappy. Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S., yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have, and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here. I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name inthe book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorists attacks? The Commander-in-Chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me?
Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or on a talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad? Think about it......are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the 'Media' the 'Media' told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behinds every day. Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go. They are able to refuse to go, then end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an "other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable" discharge after a few days in the brig. So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percentof Americans? Say what you want, but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news. everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells,and when criticized, try to defend their actions by 'justifying' them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murder like O.J. Simpson to write a book about how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way....Insane!
Turn off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your birdcage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad. We are among the most blessed people on Earth and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
Written by David Letterman:
" As most of you know I am not a fan of President Bush, nor have I ever been, but this is not about Bush, it is about us, as Americans, and it seems to hit the mark.' The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some Poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true given the source, right? The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President.
In essence 2/3 of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change. So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, 'What are we so unhappy about?''
A. Is it that we have electricity and runningwater 24 hours a day, 7 Days a week?
B. Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?
C. Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?
D. Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at anytime and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?
E. Maybe it is the ability to drive our cars and trucks from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state?
F. Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?
G. I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough either.
H. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.
I. Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home.
J. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use topnotch equipment to extinguish the flames, thus saving you, your family,and your belongings.
K. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or a prowler intrudes, and an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.
L. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90% of teenagers own cell phones and computers.
M. How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?
Maybe that is what has 67% of you folks so unhappy. Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S., yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have, and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here. I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name inthe book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorists attacks? The Commander-in-Chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me?
Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or on a talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad? Think about it......are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the 'Media' the 'Media' told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behinds every day. Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go. They are able to refuse to go, then end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an "other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable" discharge after a few days in the brig. So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percentof Americans? Say what you want, but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news. everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells,and when criticized, try to defend their actions by 'justifying' them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murder like O.J. Simpson to write a book about how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way....Insane!
Turn off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your birdcage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad. We are among the most blessed people on Earth and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
Monday, November 3, 2008
Funk-ed-ness
I've been in a funk the last week or so. I'm not really sure why, I don't think I'm stressed, I haven't thought about you-know-who that much, the weather's been great...idk (i don't know). My sister says that I usually function better when I'm stressed. So maybe I'm in a funk because I'm not stressed - HA!!
Some cool stuff's been goin' on too...My daughter's 6th birthday party was the 25th. It was perfectly princess. She had a great time and was so so precious. Here's some pics...(yes, I'm finally putting pics of the kids, I've been trying to stay anonymous because of the net, but here you go anyway.)
Also, Halloween was fun. We went to our YL directors house for soup (it was YUMMY) and walked our entire block until the kids couldn't carry their bags anymore because of so much candy. They were Jasmine and Batman the Dark Knight.
Oh and YL Halloween Club was AMAZING!! It was SO funny!! There was a live mouse involved...I dressed up as a 'black eyed p'. Here's some pics from that too...
Happy Election Tomorrow!!!
Some cool stuff's been goin' on too...My daughter's 6th birthday party was the 25th. It was perfectly princess. She had a great time and was so so precious. Here's some pics...(yes, I'm finally putting pics of the kids, I've been trying to stay anonymous because of the net, but here you go anyway.)
Also, Halloween was fun. We went to our YL directors house for soup (it was YUMMY) and walked our entire block until the kids couldn't carry their bags anymore because of so much candy. They were Jasmine and Batman the Dark Knight.
Oh and YL Halloween Club was AMAZING!! It was SO funny!! There was a live mouse involved...I dressed up as a 'black eyed p'. Here's some pics from that too...
Happy Election Tomorrow!!!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Do you Know Him??
One of the kids from YL sent this to me today.
Here's the message attached to the video: Visuals set to the audio of the famous sermon "Seven Way King" (aka That's My King) as spoken by Dr. S.M. Lockridge. The audio is slightly edited for a better flow in the video. The music in the background was performed live by the GCC band while the video played on the screens. ...
Here's the message the student wrote: "one of the most moving things ive ever heard. just realize what a great god we serve. how much we are blessed. how lucky we are to have the life we live. how loved we are. how powerful our merciful, yet just god is. just take a step back and realize..."
I just don't have anything else to say. Watch the whole thing...
Here's the message attached to the video: Visuals set to the audio of the famous sermon "Seven Way King" (aka That's My King) as spoken by Dr. S.M. Lockridge. The audio is slightly edited for a better flow in the video. The music in the background was performed live by the GCC band while the video played on the screens. ...
Here's the message the student wrote: "one of the most moving things ive ever heard. just realize what a great god we serve. how much we are blessed. how lucky we are to have the life we live. how loved we are. how powerful our merciful, yet just god is. just take a step back and realize..."
I just don't have anything else to say. Watch the whole thing...
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