Take a breather...

Have you ever just stopped? Not just to smell the roses or because you are forced to at the endless stream of red-lights or mid-afternoon traffic (sometimes I think I could just walk faster). But really ...

STOPPED.

Last night as I was practicing for my solo this weekend at church, thinking about the million things I have to do between now and then wondering how I would ever get it all done. Contemplating why I even signed up to sing, or volunteer, or work, or be a coach, team manager, room parent, etc. I became so overwhelmed by all the things I had to do; that I had to manage. I never have enough time to just "BE" with my kids - I'm missing out and they are growing up SO fast. And lately I've been 'worried' about my mortality. I'm not getting any younger!! And there's nuke threats from N. Korea, 2012 doomsday - if you buy into all that, my husband's job strike still looming, the fact that we are over budget every month, big business going bankrupt, global warming...whatever.

And I was tired.

I just sat on the edge of the tub listening to the rehearsal track through my iphone on it's dock and closed my eyes. "God, help me. Make these things I do be about you. Remove me from them, take control of me, use me, fill me, guide me. Remove my anxiety about everything else."

As I sat with my eyes closed listening to the song, I began to feel this surreal feeling. I just sat there for quite some time, listening to my breathing, feeling the blood pump through my arms, feeling as though I was surrounded. I was being touched on all sides, I was being held. I began to cry and was afraid to move. Yes, I had my to-do's and worry lists on loop in my head, but for those few moments I was quiet, I was still. God felt almost tangible, and I was overwhelmed by awe and love. It was such a surprise to have such an experience - and in my dirty bathroom of all places! I was paying attention for the first time in quite some time and realizing that He was there, swirling, consuming, breathing - all around me. I imagined that his angels took presence in my bathroom and filled all available space. I realized that it's like this all the time, but because I make myself so busy, I fail to notice. Because I continually try to take control, I am making their job difficult.

I know I am blessed. I have two amazing beautiful healthy children. I have a husband who adores me, a big house, a weekend boat, friends, family, a job. All the things of this world I could ask for. I try to make everything I am involved with be about Him - worship ministry, Young Life, etc. But sometimes I get "too big for my britches" and lose sight of what's really important. I'm so busy doing things about Him, I forget to be connected with Him, to praise Him, to be in communion with Him. And that defeats the purpose all together.

Thank you God for showing me what it means to just STOP.

Psalm 46:10: "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."