Day 1

We left on Saturday just after 9pm. I will be honest and say that I was a bit intimidated. Getting on the bus (we had two) not knowing anyone, not even the other leaders really, was well, uncomfortable to say the least. The bus ride took 22 hours. When we stopped, I usually tried to sit in a group, mostly on the outside trying to find my place. From the beginning of my being able to go on this trip I had considered myself as more of a 'chaporone' than a 'leader' because I'm so new and knew practically no one. By the time the bus rolled up in MN, I had made a friend sitting near me at the front. We made friendship bracelets together and exchanged them. All throughout the week, my new friend would see me and show me the bracelet and make sure I was wearing mine. So, there we were, FINALLY at camp, and I felt myself getting anxious and excited! All the work crew (high school students from around the US that volunteer for 1 month of service at a YL camp) were clapping and high-five-ing the arrival as the kids stepped off the bus. I waited for the last camper still gathering her things. I looked back for her, stepped of the bus and twisted my ankle. I sprained my foot!!

It was embarrassing, sure, but it gave me a great story and good excuse to get to know the kids as I limped and hopped the first few days in the brace the camp Dr. gave me.

We all went to our assigned cabins, ours with 15 girls and two leaders, one potty and two showers. Yikes! I walked in, and I felt SO old!! I had all of these pre-conceived notions about these girls that they would think I was 'cramping their style' or be the odd one out of their cliques. I figured, like me at that age, they would probably have attitudes... That night changed it all.

Dinner in the hall is set up "family style" with round tables, about 8 each, passing food around the table and engaging in conversation. I fumbled the convo the first night, as did some of the girls that didn't know each other well. But hearing how much they liked sitting around a table and passing food, because it's not what they usually do, was nice.

After dinner, the first task we had was "Protect Your Leader". All the girls dressed in "throw away clothes" (we got wet and gross!!) and the other leader and I in camo. We were yelled through the grounds in darkness to climb through pipes, shimmy down poles, army crawl, carry me on a gurney, get pelted unexpectedly with water balloons and flour, crawl under and climb over things, run, run, "Protect Your Leader!!", all ending up in a nighttime race/swim in the lake under a stationary log and back, crawl under hammocks on the beach...Protect Your Leader

ALL with a bummed/swollen foot! But the girls protected us, for the most part, and it was a great bonding experience. I also got to know the other leader in my cabin a bit more.

The first night was kind of quiet, but sleeping on a mattress in the floor had never felt so good!

More on Day 2 tomorrow!!

I'm back!!!

I'm back and I am pooped!! I will be sharing the amazing-ness of the last week in the next few days in detail with pics!

Here's one for now...God worked through the lives of these kids, but He also worked in me. It was truly life-changing.

Here's a new verse I have come to love this past week...

Verse to Ponder: Psalm 18:16-19 "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, From my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my Support. He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He Delighted in me."

Happy 4th!!

Happy 4th!!

When I think of the 4th, I think of fireworks, hotdogs....speaking of hotdogs....I watched the Nathan's Hot Dog championship on TV this afternoon. The winner ate 64 hotdogs in just under 11 minutes (there was a 'dog-off' due to a tie). I don't know when I'll be able to eat another hot dog again. It was like a train wreck and I just couldn't stop watching.

But anywho, I leave for camp tomorrow evening, and I'm again very excited. The fears and worries have all but faded away and I feel renewed for the opportunities of next week. I would say the last of my concerns include changing in front of my cabin (not for me), sharing a potty with 20 girls (I'm steering clear of coffee and bran muffins all week - HA!) and snoring/grinding my teeth at night. Poor girls...HA!

But I'm still packing and getting ready to leave. I'll have dinner with my family and my mom and dad tonight and that will be nice. I think we're going to the lake tomorrow before I leave and that should be fun. I'm hoping for peace and His will to be done throughout the next week, at my home and at Camp.

Verse to Ponder: John 14:27 (NKJV) Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

SEE YOU ON THE 14th!!!!

Not until now...

I have been so excited to go to YL camp since I found out I could have a chance to go. I've never been to a YL camp, or any camp (besides Cheer Camp, and that's just WORK!!) for that matter. And from what I hear, YL Camp isn't like "camp", but has resort quality lodging and amenities, chefs, activities and 'club'. Also, the opportunity to grow in my walk, and then to be able to bond with the kids for next school year, AND to have the opportunity to be used as a tool for His purpose as we watch these kid's hearts unfold...I was stoked.

Until now...

Ok, so I'm still really excited, but I'm also nervous. I know this is Satan trying to creep in, but I already really know I'm going to miss my family. I thought originally I might enjoy the break, because I'm with them 24/7, and coming back refreshed might be good for me and for me to be a 'fresh' mom/wife for them. But now, I just know I'm going to miss them. AND worry about them. My husband is a terrific father, but he's not with them ALL the time, like I am. He lets them follow at their leisure behind him through parking lots. He doesn't know that Jaedyn needs constant supervision in the pool, if you wander, or she gets away, she freaks and flounders and takes in water. Of course, it will probably be pizza and donuts for breakfast/lunch/dinner for the entire week! I'm just saying, I'll be several states away, and I'm nervous.

I have to trust that everything will be alright. I have to not worry, but accept that everything will be okay. I will admit that this morning when my son was asking what I was going to be doing at camp and I showed him the video below, he was concerned for ME, and I liked his sweet heart and thoughts. "Are you going to wear a life jacket?" "You're going to wear a helmet, right?" "What if you get hurt?" I just comforted him and asked him to pray for me, and that I'd be home soon.

We leave Saturday evening. I will keep relying on faith that it will be the experience that I had originally been so excited about. I will keep praying that my family will have fun and be safe while I'm gone. It's like I feel safe in this bubble in my home. But I know and have to trust that no matter where I go, He is with me.

Castaway Club -Detroit Lakes, MN - VIDEO

Verse to Ponder: Joshua 1:9 (NKJV) Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

It's not so far away

It's not ancient memory. It's not a past life. It's just a nightmare, a 'trigger', a getting-worn-down- and-letting-myself-be-consumed moment away. It's an ever looming shadow cloud that waits patiently for my defenses to be down. Sometimes it lies and tries to convince me that it would be easier if I just succumb to it.

My past and it's deep scars are ever-present daily. Sometimes even hourly. It's not something that I will ever just 'get over', it's not something I can win. Sure I've been able to push it back, defend myself against it, get stronger through Him that strengthens me. But it never goes away. And just when I feel like I'm 'normal' again, Satan uses my weakness, my kryptonite against me in waves of deception, lies, guilt and pain.

I dreamed last night about it all. Not in detail but like a watercolor wash of the demons that surround me ready to pounce. I know their control over me, if I would just give in. But I know He is there for me now; to lean on, to find courage, to make me strong, to give me forgiveness and mercy.

I LOVE, love, LOVE finding new music. I found this group called Jackson Waters. Their song "Come Undone" feels like my anthem. There is a spiritual war all around me, this much I know. I have to fight against it to rise above it. It's a daily battle. I just have to turn to Him and be washed over, enveloped by Him to survive.

Come Undone

There are ways I’ve been fallin'
There are times I’ve been so weak
There are moments I hear redemption calling
But I’m too far down to speak

Chorus
Come sweet fire of mercy
Cover up my skin
Warm me like the sun
Won’t you let me in
To come, come undone

There are scars that I‘ve been hiding
There are ghosts that I do not name
There are closets I do not care to open
They open all the same

Chorus

Verse to Ponder: 1 Peter 5:8-10 (NLT)

8 Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 9 Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are.

10 In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.

He's AWAKE!

It has been a strange few months, and here's an update. My husband's cousin who was in a coma after a fatal (loss of my husband's aunt) car accident on May 27th, is awake! I just got word today. Here's what the email said:

He's "awake" now -- but still has blurred vision and not fully at quick response level. This will come with time per the Doctors. But, he recognizes us and he's responding to our questions. I am so very thankful and grateful -- you just can't imagine. However, now the hard work begins. [He] is starting through physical therapy and it will be painful. So, I will very much appreciate your on-going prayers for [him] and my Brother and my little 5-month old niece plus my 16-year old neice and 20-year old neice. [who all lost their mom/wife in the same accident.] The impact of my Brother losing his wife, on 5/27 is devastating. Some days he does ok and other days he "flounders". Our whole family is pitching in to help with the children, house upkeep, meals, and anything else that comes along. Time is against us right now -- but, with the grace of our precious Lord, we will pull through this. Thanks again for your special prayers for us.

What a miracle! I am beginning to grow more and more. It's a hard thing to hope. Faith is very trying and tricky concept. To truly let go and whole-heartedly trust His purpose, His plan, His timing.

Verse to Ponder: Romans 15:13 (NLV) Our hope comes from God. May He fill you with joy and peace because of your trust in Him. May your hope grow stronger by the power of the Holy Spirit.

"He's got his paintbrushes out, right Mom?"

My kids and I were drawn to our front porch this Sunday evening. It was a panoramic sunset in colors and shapes I've never seen before. My kids made comments about how God gave us this gift; this breathtaking view. He just dabbled in His paint and showed us how much He cares for us. We weren't the only ones appreciating it, half my block was outside with their cameras. It was the most beautiful and surreal picture I have ever seen. The swirls of hues of blues and purples against oranges and pinks...we all, half my street and I, stared until it was too dark to see. We tried to take pictures, but they just don't do it justice....

Verse to Ponder: Psalm 42:8 (The Message) Then God promises to love me all day, sing songs all through the night! My life is God's prayer.