I just finished reading (another) book by Ted Dekker called, Blink of an Eye. It was such a neat way to think about God's hand in our lives.
It showed how free will and God's will circle around, within and about each other. I will admit I've always been confused as to how God can know everything that is going to happen, but yet we still have free will. How is his will done, if ours changes and can stand in the way of the plans he has for us?
This book was such a unique way to understand this concept. It showed a main character that suddenly was blessed with the gift to see all possible 'futures', each changing from moment to moment based on what he did, what the person near him did, what each person did around him. Near the end this self-professed non-believer found God almost 'by accident' with a simple prayer. That prayer then made him see all futures, but all now were intertwined by God's will.
I thought about it and how huge this idea really is. Our every moment, every second can be influenced and changed, altered or even aborted due not only to our actions and thoughts, but everyone around us, and what they will do or say. But bringing God in, attaches him to these moments. And now, God plays a part. Yes, the moments change over and over again presenting alternate 'futures' for us, but I know that God keeps up. He can see all these futures, all these choices, and He, like us can alter what is done from moment to moment. So does he know what will happen? Yes. But it's not as black-and-white as that, he knows ALL possible futures, based on what we as humans choose to do from one moment to the next. Allowing him in to help us, to author our story, our futures, has such a different spin now. How intricate our lives are if dissected moment by moment, second by second, future by possible future, and he's there, throughout all of it. So in the next ten seconds, I could go get coffee, keep writing, yawn, or even blink. Each of these could happen, but they are up to me. He sees them all, all possibilities. When our choice is made he acts accordingly, then foresees the next string of possible futures. The thought of it alone is enough to make my head hurt!
But, it kinda makes you feel special doesn't it?
Beyond that it explains a lot of questions. How he can take a single moment, the opportunity that we give him, should we lay that moment, that circumstance, that trial, that pain, that worry at his feet, how he can avert it, or allow it, all the while taking charge of it, so that he can bring us back to his glory.
Wow.
Verse to Ponder: II Chronicles 16:9a (NIV) For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
It's only fitting...
Well, today is 'that' anniversary...so I thought I'd ramble about it a bit.
I still remember the details of the morning the planes crashed into the two towers, as I assume most people do. I was on my way to work and heard bits and pieces on the radio some time after the first plane hit. When I got to work I stood in the lobby and watched with many other building occupants as several side-by-side large screen tvs displayed the events over and over from different angles on different stations all in real time. Everyone was so quiet. I got to my office on the 16th floor and pressed my face to the glass of my floor to ceiling windows and wondered what would have to go through my mind to jump, as I'd heard and seen so many do that morning from almost a hundred floors higher. I thought about all the families. What if it had been my family? Even the news anchors were barely holding it together.
I remember the days that followed, the surge of pride Americans had for our country. I remember the general pop being in support of the war. I remember Bush having a high popularity rating (remember that?) I remember 'Freedom fries' (btw, Dairy Palace in Canton still has them labeled like that on their menu). I remember flags on every business, in front yards, attached to cars. I remember what it was like to look at people of middle-eastern descent differently. Even though I knew it was wrong, I think, I, like most people, felt betrayed and it felt easy, justified even, to, even internally, point the finger somewhere.
I know how much that single act changed everything, the way we felt safe and somewhat indestructible, the way it hit our economy, and here 7 years later we still feel it's affects. The way we feel about war, about our leadership, about how little we really used to care about places and cultures outside our nation and now how guilty we feel as we pay the price for being so naive and self-centered.
Throughout all of this questions have been raised. How can God do this to us? One thing I've learned is that God didn't DO this. Allow it, maybe. But all things, ALL things can be given to God to handle or position or alter or change or affect for His glory. I believe He cried that day, just like the day he allowed his son to suffer and die in agony. He allowed it to save us. Even though we may not understand his ways, it is in our best interest, maybe not here in this place...but then, maybe so. One action begets many, many more and lives are changed, eternally.
It's so difficult with our finite minds to process pain and see beyond the right now, the all-about-us, even if we have the best intentions. But God is not a God of confusion or fear, he is a God of peace and mercy, even if the decisions and free will of the world seem to stand in it's way, God prevails.
I like that he takes that responsibility. I find comfort that if I give it over to him, he has my best interests in mind. When things like this happen, or when they hit closer to home with family members passing, grief, sickness, divorce, etc., that He is still there in the midst of it, ready to turn it all around for His glory, should we be so brave to trust him with it.
Maybe, on this anniversary, instead of blaming our leadership, we should make ourselves knowledgeable about the issues and candidates. Maybe instead of spending our time boycotting fast food titles, we should find the time to fervently pray for change. Maybe instead of sitting ignorant and blind to what's going on outside our cozy picket fences and plush suburban lives, we should investigate the economies, cultures and differences of the world outside ours and see what we can do to help.
Maybe on this anniversary, we should come together and hang His flag above our doorsteps.
Verse to Ponder: Proverbs 30:5 (NKJV) For every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him.
I still remember the details of the morning the planes crashed into the two towers, as I assume most people do. I was on my way to work and heard bits and pieces on the radio some time after the first plane hit. When I got to work I stood in the lobby and watched with many other building occupants as several side-by-side large screen tvs displayed the events over and over from different angles on different stations all in real time. Everyone was so quiet. I got to my office on the 16th floor and pressed my face to the glass of my floor to ceiling windows and wondered what would have to go through my mind to jump, as I'd heard and seen so many do that morning from almost a hundred floors higher. I thought about all the families. What if it had been my family? Even the news anchors were barely holding it together.
I remember the days that followed, the surge of pride Americans had for our country. I remember the general pop being in support of the war. I remember Bush having a high popularity rating (remember that?) I remember 'Freedom fries' (btw, Dairy Palace in Canton still has them labeled like that on their menu). I remember flags on every business, in front yards, attached to cars. I remember what it was like to look at people of middle-eastern descent differently. Even though I knew it was wrong, I think, I, like most people, felt betrayed and it felt easy, justified even, to, even internally, point the finger somewhere.
I know how much that single act changed everything, the way we felt safe and somewhat indestructible, the way it hit our economy, and here 7 years later we still feel it's affects. The way we feel about war, about our leadership, about how little we really used to care about places and cultures outside our nation and now how guilty we feel as we pay the price for being so naive and self-centered.
Throughout all of this questions have been raised. How can God do this to us? One thing I've learned is that God didn't DO this. Allow it, maybe. But all things, ALL things can be given to God to handle or position or alter or change or affect for His glory. I believe He cried that day, just like the day he allowed his son to suffer and die in agony. He allowed it to save us. Even though we may not understand his ways, it is in our best interest, maybe not here in this place...but then, maybe so. One action begets many, many more and lives are changed, eternally.
It's so difficult with our finite minds to process pain and see beyond the right now, the all-about-us, even if we have the best intentions. But God is not a God of confusion or fear, he is a God of peace and mercy, even if the decisions and free will of the world seem to stand in it's way, God prevails.
I like that he takes that responsibility. I find comfort that if I give it over to him, he has my best interests in mind. When things like this happen, or when they hit closer to home with family members passing, grief, sickness, divorce, etc., that He is still there in the midst of it, ready to turn it all around for His glory, should we be so brave to trust him with it.
Maybe, on this anniversary, instead of blaming our leadership, we should make ourselves knowledgeable about the issues and candidates. Maybe instead of spending our time boycotting fast food titles, we should find the time to fervently pray for change. Maybe instead of sitting ignorant and blind to what's going on outside our cozy picket fences and plush suburban lives, we should investigate the economies, cultures and differences of the world outside ours and see what we can do to help.
Maybe on this anniversary, we should come together and hang His flag above our doorsteps.
Verse to Ponder: Proverbs 30:5 (NKJV) For every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Relax!!
So we went the lake with the leaders this past weekend and it was great...except...the 4 wheeler we were told we could use had some 'issues'. I never rode it, but I was told to tell the owner that the chain was loose, it sometimes didn't go in reverse and unfortunately, the key was lost.
I told her, but she responded with..."We will go later in the week to assess the damages and further contact you."
Yikes! Damages? Whoa, wait, they told me before riding that the chain looked loose and that the key kept falling out (so they put it in the house and then couldn't find it later), as far as I knew she already knew about that and the reverse thing...I was just trying to be upfront about everything over the weekend, and now 'damages'? YL doesn't have the $$ to cover damages, although I was told they would take care of it if need be. But I feel responsible. I set up the trip, I contacted her, my husband drove the thing a few times...
OH, and did I mention that my son actually fractured his arm falling off the kid-sized zip line on their property...talk about feeling like a bad mom. I didn't take him to the doctor until yesterday (during business hrs, versus the weekend), when it happened Saturday. He now has a fabulous orange cast to remind me. But I didn't tell the owner about that...
UG. My stomach literally is wound in knots. I prayed the whole way to visit my counselor today (did I mention we're doing a few sessions due to the recent events with the letter?), felt so responsible and then I pull in next to a car that had a bumper sticker on the back windshield that had two cartoon penguins facing each other, one with a giant fish over its head, like it was trying to eat the penguin. The words said, "Relax, God is in control!"
HA! Thank you. I still feel bad, but I'm just gonna keep praying and know that it really is out of my hands at this point.
I sang the song I've sung when scared in my past all the way home..."Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all of your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will lead your paths straight." I know its a verse, but I learned it as a song, so long ago I don't know when and I just sing it over and over until I find peace. His peace.
I told her, but she responded with..."We will go later in the week to assess the damages and further contact you."
Yikes! Damages? Whoa, wait, they told me before riding that the chain looked loose and that the key kept falling out (so they put it in the house and then couldn't find it later), as far as I knew she already knew about that and the reverse thing...I was just trying to be upfront about everything over the weekend, and now 'damages'? YL doesn't have the $$ to cover damages, although I was told they would take care of it if need be. But I feel responsible. I set up the trip, I contacted her, my husband drove the thing a few times...
OH, and did I mention that my son actually fractured his arm falling off the kid-sized zip line on their property...talk about feeling like a bad mom. I didn't take him to the doctor until yesterday (during business hrs, versus the weekend), when it happened Saturday. He now has a fabulous orange cast to remind me. But I didn't tell the owner about that...
UG. My stomach literally is wound in knots. I prayed the whole way to visit my counselor today (did I mention we're doing a few sessions due to the recent events with the letter?), felt so responsible and then I pull in next to a car that had a bumper sticker on the back windshield that had two cartoon penguins facing each other, one with a giant fish over its head, like it was trying to eat the penguin. The words said, "Relax, God is in control!"
HA! Thank you. I still feel bad, but I'm just gonna keep praying and know that it really is out of my hands at this point.
I sang the song I've sung when scared in my past all the way home..."Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all of your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will lead your paths straight." I know its a verse, but I learned it as a song, so long ago I don't know when and I just sing it over and over until I find peace. His peace.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Busy, Busy!
This past weekend my family and I went to Lake Texoma for the YL Leader Retreat. We stayed at a cabin and had a great time. We sang songs and shared testimonies and ate smores around a bonfire, planned our semester around the huge island in the kitchen and swam, played with the wakeboard and inflatable, built sandcastles and rode an ATV (I didn't, HA!). It was a great time to bond with our leadership team and get to know everyone's family. The only bummer of the trip was my son fell from a 'kid-sized' zip line and hurt his arm. I think it's just sprained, but he's really nursing it, even during his favorite thing to do, his soccer game yesterday. But they won anyway! Their first academy game together and they won 3 to 0!! YAY! His rec team won too, although we were out of town on Saturday.
Tonight Younglife starts again, with a student leader meeting and girls bible study. I am so excited! MOPS started again last Friday too, and as you know, I'm not one for 'tea parties' (I'll explain some other time), but it was a nice time as well.
This week has YL, soccer (x5), gymnastics, a birthday party and my husband working mucho overtime - so it will be fun, fun!
Here's a verse my son read this morning on the way to school. Afterward he asked, God will never leave me? Even if I'm with the devil? (He means even if he gets lost in the world, does 'bad' things.) It was a great time to share God's love for him, as he has been saved by grace and will forever be a child of God. We talked about how, much like a parent's love, meaning that although we can be disappointed, may even have our hearts broken, that never means our child isn't ours, we could never NOT love our children. He liked hearing that.
Verse to Ponder: Deuteronomy 31:8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
Tonight Younglife starts again, with a student leader meeting and girls bible study. I am so excited! MOPS started again last Friday too, and as you know, I'm not one for 'tea parties' (I'll explain some other time), but it was a nice time as well.
This week has YL, soccer (x5), gymnastics, a birthday party and my husband working mucho overtime - so it will be fun, fun!
Here's a verse my son read this morning on the way to school. Afterward he asked, God will never leave me? Even if I'm with the devil? (He means even if he gets lost in the world, does 'bad' things.) It was a great time to share God's love for him, as he has been saved by grace and will forever be a child of God. We talked about how, much like a parent's love, meaning that although we can be disappointed, may even have our hearts broken, that never means our child isn't ours, we could never NOT love our children. He liked hearing that.
Verse to Ponder: Deuteronomy 31:8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
I'm an idiot when it comes to politics, but...
I'm sure you've heard about McCain's running mate. I'm sure you've also heard that yesterday, they announced that her 17 year old unmarried daughter is pregnant. Oops.
I read some of the comments from John Q. Public and was shocked at how easy it was for everyone to judge, republican or not. (BTW, in case you're curious, I'm not 'affiliated' with either party.)
They went on and on about how the mom was to blame for the daughter's indiscretions, how Palin wasn't ready or suited for the position should she get it, how the newest child in the Palin family must really be the daughter's too, because earlier in the year the 17 yr old looked 'pudgy' at events. So collectively the public has drawn the daughter's name and self-esteem through the mud and quickly judged the mom to be an unsuitable mother and leader.
It just rang home with me. I know that a lot of the stuff I've done and been through had an ill affect on my parents. I know others were quick to judge, gossip, hate, alienate, point fingers and scoff and I'm sure my parents may have even blamed themselves. But the truth is that no one knows what's really going on or why but that person, that family and God, everyone else should just hold their tongue. Often the havoc done by their vile idioms does more damage than the incidents themselves and can lead that person or person(s) down a slippery slope. I'm living proof. I also know that sometimes things just happen, despite all efforts and great upbringing, things happen - out of pain, defense mechanisms, chemical imbalances, loneliness, naivety, or just one stupid mistake or moment of weakness. The world is a cold place sometimes, and sometimes there is no blame to be put anywhere.
I hurt for this little girl, for her mom, for my mom, and for myself as 17 yr old I once was, and as a mom hearing about this story and how closely it relates to my own. I pray that somehow it all works out for His glory. I pray for this little girl dealing with so much and for the microscope she is under to stop. We don't know what's really going on and it's just not our place to judge, frankly it's none of our business. I may be alone on this, like I said, I'm an idiot when it comes to politics, but I think this should be left alone and not introduced into underhanded campaign tactics. I just wish the whole campaigning business were over already.
**Stepping down from my soapbox now.**
I read some of the comments from John Q. Public and was shocked at how easy it was for everyone to judge, republican or not. (BTW, in case you're curious, I'm not 'affiliated' with either party.)
They went on and on about how the mom was to blame for the daughter's indiscretions, how Palin wasn't ready or suited for the position should she get it, how the newest child in the Palin family must really be the daughter's too, because earlier in the year the 17 yr old looked 'pudgy' at events. So collectively the public has drawn the daughter's name and self-esteem through the mud and quickly judged the mom to be an unsuitable mother and leader.
It just rang home with me. I know that a lot of the stuff I've done and been through had an ill affect on my parents. I know others were quick to judge, gossip, hate, alienate, point fingers and scoff and I'm sure my parents may have even blamed themselves. But the truth is that no one knows what's really going on or why but that person, that family and God, everyone else should just hold their tongue. Often the havoc done by their vile idioms does more damage than the incidents themselves and can lead that person or person(s) down a slippery slope. I'm living proof. I also know that sometimes things just happen, despite all efforts and great upbringing, things happen - out of pain, defense mechanisms, chemical imbalances, loneliness, naivety, or just one stupid mistake or moment of weakness. The world is a cold place sometimes, and sometimes there is no blame to be put anywhere.
I hurt for this little girl, for her mom, for my mom, and for myself as 17 yr old I once was, and as a mom hearing about this story and how closely it relates to my own. I pray that somehow it all works out for His glory. I pray for this little girl dealing with so much and for the microscope she is under to stop. We don't know what's really going on and it's just not our place to judge, frankly it's none of our business. I may be alone on this, like I said, I'm an idiot when it comes to politics, but I think this should be left alone and not introduced into underhanded campaign tactics. I just wish the whole campaigning business were over already.
**Stepping down from my soapbox now.**
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
It's been a few days...
So, I've had some time for my emotions to get in check; I haven't cried in about 3 days, so I guess that's good. I slept better last night, and didn't sleep the entire day today. :)
He's still on my mind though - every second of everyday - again. This time with one huge difference, I'm not scared. Now, I'd be lying if I said I haven't been a little anxious. I noticed while we ate lunch in 'his' town the other day I got knots in my stomach, dry, clenched throat, on alert and occasionally scanned faces in the crowd, but it's not like the shut-down, no-eye-contact, check the locks a thousand times paranoia that enveloped me before. I think that's a step in the right direction.
This past Sunday at church there were a few things that stuck out to me, mainly something that was said by the speaker (not our normal guy) about worry and contentment and such. He said that God said that he was to be called "I Am". Don't worry about the past, don't think about it. Don't get consumed with it and remain stuck in your pain or regret because God isn't back there; He's not the "I Was". Don't get consumed with how things will pan out or if you think you can or can't move on, worried about tomorrow, it's choices and decisions, because he didn't say he was called, "I Will Be". He is the God of NOW, He is the "I Am." I had never heard it put that way before, and it brought some comfort.
I know that God is not a God of fear or confusion, so I'm beginning to understand that if I feel consumed by fear and/or confusion, I know I'm not standing with God, or trusting him, but sinking down into myself.
I can't say I still don't want to do something with all of this and him. I can't say I don't want to sit face -to- face with him and get stuff resolved and close this all once and for all. But I want to make sure it's right, and it's the best option, so right now, I'm doing nothing....except praying.
YL starts again soon, and we're having a leader retreat this weekend at the lake, and I'm looking forward to that.
Verse to Ponder: II Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind.
He's still on my mind though - every second of everyday - again. This time with one huge difference, I'm not scared. Now, I'd be lying if I said I haven't been a little anxious. I noticed while we ate lunch in 'his' town the other day I got knots in my stomach, dry, clenched throat, on alert and occasionally scanned faces in the crowd, but it's not like the shut-down, no-eye-contact, check the locks a thousand times paranoia that enveloped me before. I think that's a step in the right direction.
This past Sunday at church there were a few things that stuck out to me, mainly something that was said by the speaker (not our normal guy) about worry and contentment and such. He said that God said that he was to be called "I Am". Don't worry about the past, don't think about it. Don't get consumed with it and remain stuck in your pain or regret because God isn't back there; He's not the "I Was". Don't get consumed with how things will pan out or if you think you can or can't move on, worried about tomorrow, it's choices and decisions, because he didn't say he was called, "I Will Be". He is the God of NOW, He is the "I Am." I had never heard it put that way before, and it brought some comfort.
I know that God is not a God of fear or confusion, so I'm beginning to understand that if I feel consumed by fear and/or confusion, I know I'm not standing with God, or trusting him, but sinking down into myself.
I can't say I still don't want to do something with all of this and him. I can't say I don't want to sit face -to- face with him and get stuff resolved and close this all once and for all. But I want to make sure it's right, and it's the best option, so right now, I'm doing nothing....except praying.
YL starts again soon, and we're having a leader retreat this weekend at the lake, and I'm looking forward to that.
Verse to Ponder: II Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind.
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