Sticks and Stones...

So we are meeting once a week with some of the girls from our cabin at camp for a bible study. We are just reading 5 Psalm and 1 Proverb a week. I'm putting together study guides from devotionals, commentaries and other study guides online...just condensing them and putting them in 'teen-ese'.

Here's one from next week...

Psalm 12

Sticks and stones may break our bones, but can words really hurt us? How can we be God’s people in an unfaithful, lying culture? Psalm 12:1 (NIV) says, “Help, LORD, for the godly are no more; the faithful have vanished from among men.” David feels alone, and craves the help of God. Sometimes the situations we are in, the troubles we have dealt with, the thoughts we have had make us feel that we are alone. The words of others can be confusing, misleading, or other times seem to be spoken with the intent of harm. Too many times we may feel that these ‘tongues’ are right and that we are in control of our lives. But God has the only words that are flawless. "Because of the oppression of the weak and the groaning of the needy, I will now arise," says the LORD. "I will protect them from those who malign them." And the words of the LORD are flawless, like silver refined in a furnace of clay, purified seven times,” Psalm 12:5-6. David understood that people can betray each other with their lies, their self-serving nature that can lead them to glorify and honor what is wicked. David says in Psalm 12:7, “O LORD, you will keep us safe and protect us from such people forever.”

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT: Do you feel like you have, or should have control over your own life? Can words ever hurt us?

Verse to Ponder: Psalm 12:7-8 Therefore, Lord, we know you will protect the oppressed, preserving them forever from this lying generation, even though the wicked strut about, and evil is praised throughout the land.

It's reunion time...

It's my ten year reunion this weekend...dinner, family picnic and mixer at a bar in Dallas this Friday. I guess I should be excited. But honestly, I don't want to revisit a part of my life I feel like I moved away from, grew up from, pushed back into memory and some parts, have taken me this long to just be 'okay' with. I certainly don't want to pay people to go back in time. Don't get me wrong, there are some people that I would LOVE to see again, and I'm sure most of the people have changed (let's hope). But it's not about the people, it's about me visiting that time of my life again...don't wanna do it. And it sucks because the reunion committee is made up of really sweet ladies, and I know they've busted their butts for these events.

But, I'm not going. I've made up my mind and moved on...

Except that because I was on the online invitation, several people have emailed me with the email I have on there. AND that's ok! I wanted the people who did email me, to do so. It's fun to catch up, in a non-threatening, no reverting back to bad memories, kind of environment. :)

But really what this has all done is see how far I've come, how much I've changed in the last ten years. Thank goodness!!

Ribbons and Bows

Ok, so I followed the example of a friend of mine and updated the Blurb. New look, music...good stuff. Let me know what you like, or don't. (FYI-You can turn off or on or skip in the music player). It's a work in progress.

Ok, so on to the last day of camp. We got up early for a 'believers walk'. We walked the grounds and listened to the speaker talk about what it meant to go from here. Those that went on the walk got new YL bibles. We went into the main club room and listened to some from our area talk about what that week meant to them. We watched videos, skits and then ate a late breakfast and started packing/cleaning up. We went to Club one last time and listened to the speaker talk about the whole week. I watched as during a time they called, "Say Anything" several students from all areas stood. I choked up as I saw ten students from Allen stand and tell about how they accepted Jesus that week. After the last club we all went outside and saw tables end to end in a line covered with white paper and surrounded by wooden chairs on both sides, as far as the eye could see in both directions. We all sat down and ate with our hands! It was to represent the 'last supper' and would be ours at camp. We got on the bus to drive 3 hours to the Mall of America. We spent an 1 and 1/2 at the mall - it was just TOO big for my tastes! - then got back on the bus for the remainder of the 20 hr. ride.

I learned so much about these kids that week, and about myself. It was amazing!!

The Offer

One night (can't remember which night) we had "CNL" (Castaway Night Live). Lots of the leaders were in hilarious skits, in between skits they showed 'the best of You Tube' on the big screen and in the back they videoed interviews of the 'actors'. It was really, really hilarious. I got a small part. I walked out very pregnant in a 'contagious' skit. I just said, "Hi, Ya'll!". But the whole place started cheering and laughing - it was really fun. So anyway, on this day, we got up and heard the rest of the 6 stories in the club room. People had lots of questions for the 6 people, and afterwards, we went outside as a cabin and answered some questions about what we heard. We also had an outdoor competition where we had to run from station to station to do things like ultimate frisbee football, human knot, sumo wrestling, chase the bunny, free throw shots, tug of war, handstand competition, etc. We went tubing this afternoon, which I've never done, and it was SO much fun! I thought I'd be scared, but when you are trying to convince all the girls why they should, you forget about being scared. :) Right after tubing we got ready to go to banquet. The girls dressed up and looked SO pretty, we went into the main dining hall and had a yummy Italian dinner and we took lots of pictures as a group. We changed clothes after that and went to club.

After all the hilarious skits we saw every night, the speaker talked about the offer. He summed up everything we had heard about over the week and said that the offer is life. We have to move. Anyone from anywhere can follow. He talked about the questions of life being answered through Jesus and what He did. He talked about leaving our own stories and moving into God's. God said you're worth coming for. He talked about how Jesus didn't come to point an accusing finger at the world, but to show his love. He didn't come to teach a religion, he simply said, "Follow me." He died, and suffered for us, but still gives us a choice, an offer. In the study guide for the leaders that morning it read:

God's grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs a man his life, and is grace because it gives a man the only true life. (Bonhoeffer)

They had the 15 minutes of quiet time again on the grounds after the talk, and when the girls came in, they all had lots to say. This was our best cabin time by far, as there were more questions, but even more answers. I told the girls what another leader had told me earlier in the day as we talked about the offer. Several of the girls thought they needed to know God before they accepted Jesus, that they needed to 'get right' before they could accept Him. We talked about how Jesus said, "Come as you are." I had a watch on my wrist and I said to the girls, "I have this gift I want to give you (I pointed at my watch). But when is it yours? Is it now? (I started to take off the watch and held it out), is it now? Or is it when you reach out and take it (one of the girls did). I related it to what the speaker had said about the offer of Jesus, and almost immediately a few of the girls said that they were ready. They wanted to the gift. We talked for a while and then two of the YL work crew (HS volunteers) walked in with juice and cookies. They stayed for a little while and talked about their stories. The girls looked up to them. When they left the girls kept saying, "I can't believe she deals with that too..." We all went out for coffee and the coffee shop or to play pool, ping pong or 4 square in the game room before calling it a night.

Verse to Ponder: John 3:16-18 (The Message) "This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person's failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him."

THE Night

So today we woke up had club in the morning where we got to hear more pieces of the 6 tell their stories. I got to steal away with a girl that I had wanted to get to know, but hadn't had the chance. I didn't know any of the girls before the trip, but this girl was just on my mind the whole week. As she spoke, I felt tears in my eyes because I knew God had put me there, had kept this girl on my mind, for this conversation. She spoke as if she was me a decade ago, with one of the major trials I dealt with, down to the littlest detail, and I was blown away. I got to thinking that this was one reason why I went through what I did, so I could be the one that finally understood what she was going through. I started to think that He knew that ten years later I would be meeting this girl. He knew what she had to say would heal me as much as I would ever begin to try and help her.

We ate lunch outside that day, it was beautiful. We had free time again at the beach too.

That night before we went to club again we had a leader meeting/worship time. It was an amazing experience, as they prepared us for what would be talked about that night, it all started to sink in. Then as we prayed, they asked us to say aloud, with our heads bowed, the names of the kids we thought needed to hear what was going to be said, those that we were concerned for. I was so overwhelmed in that moment, hearing all the area leaders whisper the names. I started to feel so humbled that I was chosen to be there; that my purpose was to be His hands and feet with these girls. I didn't want to fail them! I was so overwhelmed with how much I had begun to care for the girls in such a short amount of time. I knew it was God.I thought about those girls that had shared their stories with me, and how eerily similar some of the details were to my life and how crazy similar their response and feelings they had was to what I did, or how I reacted. I realized that this night these beautiful children of God could forever have their lives changed, and how odd it was that I was chosen to be here, to be part of it - how God made my past and their present intertwine, and how in that moment I realized I was healing too. I was knowing and growing more. My heart literally broke and opened up for what that meant, how unbelievable what being there at that camp meant for the girls and for me. I couldn't help it, I started crying. I was silent, but I was so consumed by all of it and that the bottom line was it was love. I have had the hardest time coming to terms with things in my life, some of which never made sense until that moment crying listening to the names of those kids being washed over with prayer. I tried desperately to stop, because I didn't think I'd be able to explain what I felt to those around me and I didn't want the attention to be on me. So I kept wiping my eyes and swallowing hard and finally, with red eyes, I got it together, just in time to hear our city director sobbing uncontrollably beside me. When we opened our eyes he still couldn't control his tears and emotion. The other leaders around me whispered that in 4 years, they had never seen him cry. He just told us how much he cared for us, and for these kids and this night's talk is what the last 4 years had been leading up too.
hands and then sank again under his weight. A crown of thorns, mocking him, had been pushed down into his scalp. He stood in front of everyone naked. The speaker talked about how it took several hours for him to die.So, the speaker spoke that evening in club. He talked about how Christ intersected our story. Our path was on a downhill line headed for death. Jesus intersected our story, humanities story, in a horizontal line that never ends. He came with the promise to heal, free and release us, to make all things new, to rescue what is lost and to give us life to the full - all things answered. Jesus absorbed our depravity - all of it - took it on and defeated it. He remained God centered the whole time but took on our self centered stuff. The speaker went into detail about the 39? leather lashings that when they struck Jesus marked him, but also pulled away flesh. He talked about how heavy the cross was for him to carry uphill, after he had been beaten until he was unrecognizable, so heavy he couldn't carry it. He talked about how on the cross his wrists held the nail between the bones and to breathe, he had to lift himself up against the wounds of hisHe told us how God sent his son, to take on everything that we would ever have to face: embarrassment, harassment, physical pain, trauma, loss, persecution, etc. all in one event. Just before his death he said, "It is finished." After all they did to him, all he took on, he was saying that from that moment on, it would be different. It is finished once and for all - we can't do it, it's done. The speaker told about how he defeated death, because he was alive again, in the flesh three days later. He also said that you can't give what you don't have. Jesus was perfect, took on everything we will ever face, and defeated death. He gave us the offer of eternal life because he had it to give.

After the talk the kids were told to be silent and go be alone on the grounds to have 15 minutes quietly by themselves. Some would just sit and think, others would pray for the first time, others would finally understand what they've heard before, others would start to acknowledge and accept what they now knew. I went back to the cabin, I was still so overwhelmed by the way the speaker told it, like I was understanding it, really, for the first time. To see all the kids across the grounds...I went back to the cabin and prayed over each bunk, for each girl I already cared so much for, and for me, to be what He needed for them. Back outside, the staff started singing from all sides of the campus, "Amazing Love, how can it be..." The kids came back to the cabin that night, and for some it was just the beginning.

Sunset at Camp
In the leader devotional for that morning it read:

"The primary reason I've struggled with the love of God is the simple fact that it's like no other love I've ever known. All the other love I've encountered has had something to do with me. My actions somehow preceded the love and proved it conditional. I may have been loved because of my reputation, my possessions, or my talents. But being loved by God is different. His love is unique in that it has nothing to do with me. God hasn't chosen to love me b because of things about me that he finds lovable. God's love has everything to do with what's true about God. It is God's nature to love, and so God loves me naturally." (Fil Anderson in Running on Empty)

Verse to Ponder: I John 5:11 (NIV) And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.

The next morning..

We served the girls breakfast in bed. It was nice for all of us to take a breather after so much being packed into the last few days. We had club in the morning this day and ate lunch again outside. We had some free time on the beach and I got to have some one on one time with some of the girls. We shared 12 scoops of ice cream and broke the record, although they never put our name on the board - UG!

That evening we went to have club, sang and listened to 6 staff tell parts of their stories, some included abortion, living apart from their parents, losing family, their hs experiences, etc. They only told a portion of their stories, and would continue their stories each night for the remainder of the week. It was interesting to hear the girls talk about how their lives related to some parts of the stories they heard. The speaker that night talked about how Jesus is the answer, He is the greatest to ever live. His life was fully lived and He promised to deliver it to us. He intersected humanities story. He drew a line on the board that showed us in a downward slope toward death. Jesus intersected our story (horizontal infinite line). Jesus promised to heal, free and release us, to make all things new, to rescue what is lost and to give us life to the full all things answered. Jesus is the only person to be completely perfect. He was completely God centered and never one single time self centered. He talked about Jesus encountering lepers and stopping to hear their story, take time to listen to them (instead of healing them from a distance because of their contagious affliction) and then healing them.

We all went over to the courtyard after that and saw a huge scene. A pirate ship with several people fighting on it, an 'ocean' with life rafts and sharks, a jail with people in it, people on an island fishing, a group playing cards, all dressed as pirates...etc. HUGE detail in the whole thing...all frozen. Then a gunshot (cannon ball?) went off and the whole thing came to life, 50 people doing whatever they were doing in the scene, then another gunshot and it all froze again. They told everyone to take a look at what they saw and go back to their cabins and recreate it, then come to dinner. SO, we all went back to the cabin. We tore apart fabric I brought to make head ties and bandannas and sashes, we put on dark make up, wore eye patches. We went to dinner and the whole thing, all the round tables, were set on the floor. We ate sitting on the floor at the table, and it was all pirate themed, even all the decorations and the servers were 'in character'. It was awesome! After dinner we went to a carnival. Here the campers were able to do carnival midway type booths to earn tickets. Then they went up to the stage and gave their tickets to the MC and told them which leader they wanted to have do a 'punishment'. My name got called twice! I got pied and dunked!! The point was to take it and wear it as a trophy, showing the kids how they can unload it all on us and just like Christ did for them, we will take it and not give it back. I felt strangely honored to be dunked and pied, although I was FREEZING afterward.After the carnival we went into a big gym and they taught all of camp how to square dance in big groups. It was hysterical. It was so fun to see all the kids mingling with different groups from their school, and then different groups from around the US and every one of them with a HUGE smile. At the end of the night they had a dance party with music from the ages. I danced too! Well, hopped, my foot still hurt. :)

It was SO much fun, and to see all the kids just let go and love each other, no cliques or pressures or expectations, it was awesome.

Verse to Ponder: Hebrews 7:25 (NIV) Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.

The next day

Yeah, I don't remember exactly what we did this day. We had club in the morning. We had lots of free time, hot tub time, time in our cabins, a clean-your-cabin-competition (we SO should have won that - we got jipped.) We strung the over-shoulder-boulder-holders across the room with the sign reading "We only need God's support" across our clean cabin. :) I think this is also the day we got up early to go rockclimbing. I had a sprained foot (fell of the bus - YES!) so I had to do it one-footed (but I made it to the top!). We convinced all the girls to attempt it, and eventually they did.

We had a bonfire/luau that night on the beach and another club that evening. The speaker talked about how living alone (without God) we are self-centered, even if we don't 'want' to be. He talked about how living self-centered instead of God-centered is what sin is all about. We author our own story and it messes up everything else. He also talked about a definition of death being "opposite of life to the full" - desire unmet, hope unanswered, eternity taken away and relationships broken. "I'm not who God created me to be, I know it, I'm trying to fix it, and it's killing me."

The devotional for the day for the leaders had a part in it that really stood out to me. After dealing with what I've dealt with in my life, and now hearing about the traumatic things these girls are dealing with, or have been through, this devotional was a good one for me. It read:

"Suffering - Pain, humiliation, sickness and failure - is but a kiss of Jesus. Once, I met a lady who had a terrible cancer. She was suffering so much. I told her, "Now you come to Jesus on the cross that he is kissing you." Then she joined hands and said, "Mother Theresa, please tell Jesus to not stop kissing me." It was so beautiful. She understood. Suffering is a gift of God. A gift that makes us more Christlike. People must not accept suffering as punishment. (Mother Theresa in Words of Love)

"Believe more deeply. Hold your face up to the light, even though for the moment you do not see." (Bill Wilson)

"Don't vex your minds by trying to explain the suffering you have to endure in this life...Even in the midst of your suffering you are in His kingdom. You are always His children, and He has His protecting arm around you...Don't ask why; don't try to understand. Does a child understand everything His father does? Can he comprehend parental wisdom? No- but he can confidently nestle in his father's arms and feel perfect happiness, even while his tears glisten in his eyes because he is his father's child." (Albert Schwitzer in Reverence for Life)

This was a hard cabin time for the girls. They felt like their sin was exposed, like the speaker was telling them they weren't 'good enough'. Some even told us they felt depressed that evening. It was so hard for me to keep a secret that the next night they would get to hear the rest of the story. We talked about if God punishes, or allows. We talked about how we feel that God is crying and hurting when we are and never leaves. Some of the girls came to the realization that if some of the things that had happened in their lives hadn't happened, they would have no reason to turn to and try to understand God, or rely on Him, or trust in Him.

Verse to Ponder: 1 Peter 4:12-13, 19 (The Message) Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner. So if you find life difficult because you're doing what God said, take it in stride. Trust him. He knows what he's doing, and he'll keep on doing it.