In my studying for this week's bible study with the girls, I did Psalm 17.
Here's what it says...
Have you ever been bullied? Maybe you have felt at one time or another that all were out to get you, and you, though not perfect, hadn’t deserved it. This is the case with David whose prayer to God is a plea for Justice against false accusations and persecution. He wasn’t boasting a statement of purity, but in Psalm 17:5 says, “My steps have held to your paths; my feet have not stumbled.” He realized that he had committed sin, as all people do, but his relationship with God was one of close fellowship and constant repentance and forgiveness. His goodness came from seeking to know God intimately. Many times we feel we have somehow missed God’s protection if we experience troubles. But David understood that God’s protection has far greater purposes than avoiding pain; it is to make us better for Him. God protects us by seeing us through circumstance, not by helping us escape them. David asks for God to push back his enemies, in effect to see him through the crisis, not to help him escape. David explains in verses 13-15 that we deceive ourselves when we measure our happiness or contentment in life by the amount of wealth we possess. The true measurement of happiness or contentment is an eternal one. You find true happiness if you put eternal riches above earthly ones. He shows that the true reward of life is to one day see God face to face.
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT: Do you believe that God will help you endure trials? What is His purpose to do this rather than help you evade them?
Over the years I've struggled with that word, "Beautiful". I remember being young, maybe 9 or 10 on a trip in the car driving at night and wishing on stars from the backseat window. I remember wishing I would grow up to be beautiful. In high school, the way I dressed was a direct reflection of what I wanted, which was admiration. I was nominated for most beautiful three times. When I was 17, a lost boy took a part of me. Like a thief he ripped away part of my heart, my soul even, whatever was 'inside'. He forcefully took it as he harmed me in a way beyond any hurt I had ever encountered before, but would soon know was not the worst hurt I would ever endure. But the most confusing part of that particular ordeal is how during the whole thing, he kept telling me, over and over that I was beautiful. Then it seemed like a punishment, I somehow deserved it because of what he thought of my appearance, I somehow deserved it in my mind because I had tried so hard to be 'beautiful'. I used to put so much pressure on myself to achieve 'beauty'. It was in part, my identity. After that event, I remember giving up completely to be the opposite of 'beauty', later I would hide behind makeup, clothes, trying to hide the scars, most of which were only internal. I felt like before all of that I had somehow been something special, after that, I didn't know who I was. I was so confused. I didn't know how to get back what I thought I'd lost.
A couple of years ago I had a 'relapse' of sorts, with one too many 'triggers' taking my mind, body and heart backward ten years. I went into rehab, but also started counseling again. One of the things the counselor and I worked on was "EMDR". I won't try to explain it here, but it was a way to get into my subconscious, and it worked. During a few of our sessions I was able to see, more vividly than any dream, me sitting in the floor watching this little girl. She was dancing around, the most free I've ever seen anyone. She was so beautiful she glowed with light that seemed to be around her as she circled and flowed and danced happily in front of me. I wanted desperately to be that little girl. As we went on with the sessions, I realized that the little girl I was seeing, was in fact me. It started to unravel everything, every preconceived notion of myself...what I actually wanted was to be BEAUTIFUL the way God sees me. I don't want to be the thinnest, the best complexion, wear clothes that show my body, wear shoes that show my calves, cut my hair the way it is most appealing to men. I mean, I do those things, subconsciously even, as most women do. But what I want is to TRULY be like that girl I saw so clearly. I want to feel genuinely, innocently, abundantly free and beautiful.
I think the only way to be that way is to be truly HIS. I no longer want the world to see my shell and judge or measure me up. When they see me I want them to see Him. I want them to see the little girl dancing around and beaming with His heart. I no longer want to be ashamed of being beautiful, because beautiful will now have a different definition. I want to be washed clean again, rid of my past and all it's nasty thorny, hooking tentacles left as residual agony in my mind. I want to show them my integrity, my character, my heart for God which in effect is a heart for others. I want to glow! I want to exude His glory and mercy and grace. I want people to stand in awe when they look at me because they are seeing a true reflection of Him. I want them to be amazed.
I want to be restored in His beauty. It's time to start dancing.
Verse to Ponder: Psalm 139 13-16 (The Message)Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day.
Phew! Hair appt at 9am, library, school shopping, grocery store, make/eat lunch, Zach play date, layout, clean house, do laundry, YL girl over to chat/make cookies, all my cabin girls over for bible study, YL Camp Video Watch party, dinner with YL at Cici's...ug. I'm pooped.
Well, here's one of the studies we did tonight with the girls. It's about patience. If you know me...HA! Patience Shmatience. But I can learn a lot from David.
Psalm 13 (TNIV)
"How long Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. B ut I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord's praise, for he has been good to me."
From the study:
With all the instant gratification of our technological age, do you feel that patience is sometimes too hard to achieve? In Psalm 13, David's patience is tested and he begins complaining about the delay in help from God. Too often we may get in a bind and feel that we've been left deserted. In trying to trust God with our lives, in our frustration, we tend to revert back to doubt and want things attended to in our timing. David's thoughts are not new. But in his need, he remembers to turn to God and prays for preventing grace through his crisis. Relying on God's understanding and timing is not always easy, but may be required. God knows what plan and course of action to take, and by trying to take back our lives we can be interfering in our blessings or the blessings of others. In our waiting, we can also experience a true relationship with God, one that is strengthened, endurance greatened, character built. No wonder David ends this Psalm boasting of God's divine mercy. Psalm 13:5-6 says: But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me." David reminds us that we can't always comprehend what's ahead, but God knows and His mercy prevails.
Things to think about: Why is learning patience and endurance so tough? Why sing to God when someone is fighting against us?
Just something I'm working on for the upcoming annual YL Food Fight. I'll be editing it at this link, so chances are, if you come back within the next few days and watch it again it will be updated. Enjoy!
What's weird is I usually have no idea what I'm going to write about next on here. It just comes most times as I open this page and start to type. However, something is brewing and I feel like I've just hit the tip of this iceberg, and I'll probably continue to write more as it progresses...
I have been reading Ted Dekker books (AMAZING Christian Fantasy/Fiction/Suspense Writer) for some time now. The most recent I finished last night was Saint. In it, one of the characters says to the other, "Once born into childlike faith, brimming with belief, typical people begin to lose their faith. Society mocks them. Their friends smirk. They come to change the world, but over time the world changes them. Soon they forget who they were; they forget the faith they once had. Then one day someone tells them the truth, but they don't want to go back because they are comfortable in their new skin. Being a stranger in this world is never easy. Look at me, I should know. Don't feel sorry for yourself.."
Also there has been a song I keep hearing from a group called BarlowGirl. The song is called Million Voices. Some of the lyrics are:
Tell me who’d have thought that we would be so controversial And stand up against the normal Are we too outspoken, loud, and messing up the comfortable Well we’ve been messed up also Yeah, yeah
But how can we be silent When a fire burns inside of us
Chorus : ‘Cause we’re a million strong and getting stronger still They’ll remember we here With a million voices breaking silence till They’ll remember we were here
PAUSE THE MUSIC TO THE LEFT TO HEAR THE SONG...
Then this past Sunday, our Pastor talked about 'fanning the flame', being on fire. At the end of his speech, several (I'm guessing over 30) people walked forward to pray together. He talked about how biblically, we are all dynamite. Together we should be lighting this world ablaze! He ended saying, "Now go blow something up!"
In YL so much has happened, with the girls I'm with, but also with me. There is a fire, one I've been keeping contained, within me. But we weren't put here to see how small we can make our fire - and it's not what I intend to do.
The truth of the matter is, I'm just a small blip on the radar, but I was created to be a part of the whole puzzle. After I'm gone, my name will just be a memory, and soon after no one will think of me. It is what it is. But if I take what I have, my God given talents, my resources, my faith and DO SOMETHING with it, maybe I'll leave a legacy, maybe they won't remember me, but they'll remember what I did for Him. I'll leave a mark. That's all that I think He asks of me, and that's all that I want to do. My life is flying by these days, one day runs into the next and what do I have to show for it. Am I loving, giving, helping, serving, reaching, teaching? I don't get these precious moments back and leaving here without anyone noticing is unacceptable. (1 Timothy 1:7) "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."
I feel like I'm running out of time. My time here, all of our time here, is a 'blink-and-you'll-miss-it' tick mark relative to the time line of all humanity. I'm wasting my time! I know just as much as the next guy that I'm not doing what I should be doing, I'm not doing all of what He has asked of me to do. It's like I'm living thinking this time all belongs to me. But in reality, I'm living on borrowed time. I want to stand in front of the creator who sent me and be able to let him know how I accomplished, or at least attempted His mission for me. I want to hear Him say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
It starts today.
Verses to Ponder: 2 Timothy 1:6 "For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God..."
Romans 12:6-8 "We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.
Ok, so last night we had a great bible study with the girls in my cabin again. I love being with them, their growth over the last few weeks is almost more that I can take. Last night we were talking through some of the Psalms and Proverbs again, and one stuck out to me. The girls asked so many questions, and others gave great insight. But through this Psalm there was a song stuck in my head. I looked at the floor as I tried to concentrate through the talking to not just start singing it. This morning I got an email from a friend of a very cool video...and it was the same song! Sometimes I feel like God is just giving me a nudge and a wink to let me know I'm doing what He wants me too. Almost like breadcrumbs...
So the Psalm is Psalm 8...and the video is below. PAUSE THE MUSIC TO THE LEFT SO YOU CAN HEAR THE VIDEO!!
Verse to Ponder: Psalm 8:4(NIV) What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?
