You're not the boss of me!!

Yesterday my daughter was supposed to wear PJs to school. We have whole drawer of pajamas, but most are just old t shirts and shorts, or hand-me-down mix matched ones from my son. So, we took a quick trip before school to Target. As we were walking hand in hand through the store, my daughter began letting me know some things.

“I don’t want a pink one. My favorite colors aren’t pink and purple anymore, just white.”

“I don’t want a princess one anymore.”

When I was loving on her and telling her what a sweet little girl she was she interrupted and said,

“I’m not little, I’m a big girl. I don’t want to be little anymore, I want to be a grown up mommy like you.” (she calls all female adults, 'mommies')

“When I grow up, can I wear your clothes?” WOW.

After school it was more of the same. If she couldn’t get into a swing that was too high off the ground by herself, she would struggle for upwards of ten minutes before giving up to do something else. "I can do it by myself!" She certainly didn’t want any help from me.

And of course, “I call you Brittany now.” I objected to just that one.

Why was she so determined to grow up so quickly? Why did she now struggle against my help? Why was she ready, in her wise old age of five to forgo her youth?

It got me thinking about me. I am so ready to do for myself, by myself sometimes. I’ll just do it myself. I asked you, but you haven’t answered yet. Or when you did, it wasn’t the answer I asked for. I know I’m struggling, unnecessarily at times, but I’m a big girl now! I don’t need your help! I wonder if God is sitting there saying…”Yes, spread your wings”, or if he feels a tinge of sadness because of my stubbornness and desired estrangement from Him.

I think it requires a balance. I need Him, and I want to turn to Him, but I’m very, very, VERY stubborn. I fight against who’s in control and when or if I might need to concede. My actions often scream, “You’re not the boss of me!” Even to the detriment of myself.

It's just like how when you see someone you love going in the wrong direction, (maybe you've been there before or you have a better view of where it leads, you can caution them until you are blue in the face) sometimes they just have to find out for themselves and learn from their mistakes. Sometimes it takes the struggle and consequences for us to appreciate the wisdom of others, of God, and allowing yourself to accept the guidance.

One thing I do know is that He loves me no matter what, unconditionally. I love thinking of God as the father and me as the child. Just as I can’t ever NOT be Jaedyn’s mom, no matter how ‘big’ she gets or acts, even when she’s pulling away from me, even with the mistakes she’ll make along the way, I won’t ever NOT love her immensely. And just as I'll always be waiting to nurture and guide Jaedyn along, He waits patiently for me.

Verse for today: Psalm 23:1-3 (The Message)

God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing. You have bedded me down in lush meadows, you find me quiet pools to drink from. True to your word, you let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction.